New here: Will it always be a rollercoaster of pain & lies?

[LJhopeful4today]

Hello!  My spouse was diagnosed last fall with BPD. This explains a lot of what I have witnessed and loved with for 9 years.   Part of his acting out included alcohol before he and then I recently discovered he has been acting out sexually for 2.5 years to help with the pain and emptiness he experienced daily.  He stopped on his own and read in DBT therapy when I was informed of the truth.  He is doing all he can.  :)BT, SA meetings, individual counseling and we are both in marriage counseling.  I also see a therapist now too.  I am reading several books that are informative but scary.  Is there truly hope of living a decent life with someone with BPD or will it always be a roller coaster of pain and lies?
Thank you! LJ

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ILuvABorderline]

My spouse and I aren't a success story yet. However, I would say you and your husband seem to be doing everything you both can to ensure you are one day. Just the fact that he is doing DBT is HUGE. The research shows that DBT is the most consistent source of healing for Borderlines. From what I've read, healing is not an overnight thing. Borderlines are typically in therapy for years before they no longer meet the criteria for the diagnosis. But the fact that a Borderline could one day be free and clear of the diagnosis and fully recovered is something amazing to look forward to. Please continue to post updates and insights for the rest of us as you are on the walk. God bless!

[Enabler]

Hi LJ,

Your husband (H) is lucky to have such a supportive (W). 9 years is a long time and by the sounds of things you have had some serious issues with booze and affairs to deal with. I'm a firm believer that knowledge is power when in a relationship with a person with BPD (pwBPD), there's a lot of chaos, a lot of hurtful behaviour and lot of blame shifting. It can feel like the earth you're standing on is moving beneath your feet. even just being able to make a little bit of sense of the situation can feel like a great burden being removed from your shoulders... ."It's not all me".

Reading books and reading the articles is an important part of your armory. Seeing a professional T is another very very helpful source of support, talking to friends and family may feel like you're trying to convince them that unicorns exist whereas a professional BPD specialist T can help you navigate and understand. Another valuable tool will be this community at bpdfamily, the breadth and depth of experience here is second to none and we're with you 24/7. If you want to rant... .that's cool... .if you want to cry... .that cool... .if you want to learn and understand, that's where we can really rock your world. You are not alone.

The more information you can provide the better. Tell us about the relationship, maybe things that work, things that don't, areas of concern or things you would like to understand. It doesn't matter if it's long and detailed or short and sweet.

I would recommend reading as many of the articles on the side as you can, especially the tools section. ====>> >

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Enabler