What makes you stay? list 3 things

[eggfry]

Want to switch up and have a post focused on positive things... .

What about your SO/p/wBPD, Spouse, bf, gf, friend, etc. makes you love them so much?
Name three good things about the person in your life struggling with BPD

*Incredible sense of humor
*Loves to make others smile and do nice things for his friends
*Is very caring

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Notgoneyet]

 Thanks eggfry ,  Love the Positive post here.
  For me my uBPD wife of 34 yrs is:

  * An Awesome Mom to our two sons 21 & 24 still living at home.
  * A gourmet cook -making most meals healthily from scratch.
  * Still very attractive even though we are both pushing 60.

  I try to focus on ALL the positive daily & remain gracious through each week ,NOT always easy, especially during times of dysregulation. So during those times I call on my support system to help me out. I'm so blessed to have a strong support of some friends & family as well as a counselor that know my SO & her illnesses I call, visit as needed. 

[Calmcollected]

He makes me laugh constantly.
He is kind to those in need. All winter he fixed the frozen water pipes of the elderly around him, brought firewood to a family with small kids that had none even though he didn’t have enough for himself. Bought shoes for a kid down the street that had a pair that was 2 sizes too small. Bought bikes for a family at the police auction that couldn’t afford them for their kids and it goes on. Animals and kids gravitate to him.
He protects me. I was in a near fender bender, no damage done but the driver of the other vehicle got out and was screaming and spitting. He made me wait in the truck and dealt with the situation. There have been other times.

[pearlsw]

Hi eggfry, Notgoneyet, and Calmcollected, 

This is such a nice post to see! Thank you for starting it.

I don't want to rain on it! (After I saw this I kept thinking of good things, but then a "but" would come up so I'm gonna wait and see if anything comes that doesn't have an * attached to it. )

Just wanted to acknowledge how nice it is that your partners bring nice things into your life.

warmly, pearl.

[zachira]

I just wanted to comment on how much I like this thread because in reality nobody is all bad, and everyone has characteristics that are lovable. It is how we handle the conflicts over what we love about a person versus what we find unbearable that will determine our quality of life.  

[pearlsw]

Okay, I have been thinking about this some more... .

1) Does his best to improve.
2) Feels remorse, can apologize.
3) Has a great laugh.

And for a bonus:
4) He means well.

[Bright_80]

Thanks for the positive encouragement!

1. He not only genuinely cares for the downtrodden in our community, whether addicted, indigent, abused, etc., he goes out of his way to find means of helping them.

2. He has helped our elderly neighbors across the street multiple times with their car or other problems they have.

3. He gives great bear hugs and leaves me sweet notes.

4. He enjoys cooking and will often bring my dinner to me when he cooks.

5. He recognizes his BPD and has been through year-long DBT therapy twice. He wants to be better.

6. He loves fruit and when he has purchased a really perfect, ripe one he brings it to me to share without me asking.

7. He makes up random songs and sings them around the house.

8. He has made our yard a little nature habitat in the middle of town by planting/watering our flowers and feeding the wildlife.

I know I've posted more than 3, but I really needed this positivity today as I'm reading Stop Caretaking the Borderline and thinking about how I'm going to start setting boundaries. It's daunting!

[pearlsw]

Thanks for the positive encouragement

I know I've posted more than 3, but I really needed this positivity today as I'm reading Stop Caretaking the Borderline and thinking about how I'm going to start setting boundaries. It's daunting!

Hi Bright80,

Oh how nice! These all sound so wonderful! I am happy that you get to have such bright spots in life!

warmly, pearl.

[Bright_80]

Hi Bright80,

Oh how nice! These all sound so wonderful! I am happy that you get to have such bright spots in life!

warmly, pearl.

Thank you, and don't get me wrong there are things we have to keep working on. I mean he did rage at me for 3 days a couple weeks ago and tell me there's been nothing steady in our 10 year marriage except for the devil.  

[Notgoneyet]

 Hi B_80,

"Thank you, and don't get me wrong there are things we have to keep working on. I mean he did rage at me for 3 days a couple weeks ago and tell me there's been nothing steady in our 10 year marriage except for the devil"

 Ouch, They how to hit you right where it hurts too. It's so hurtful to hear sometimes & after hearing it too many times you can start to believe it (untruths or not)  I can so relate!   Talk about it here & do your best to stay Positive. 
 NGY

[Notgoneyet]

Okay, I have been thinking about this some more... .

1) Does his best to improve.
2) Feels remorse, can apologize.
3) Has a great laugh.

And for a bonus:
4) He means well.

Pearl,
 Please don't think your 4 are minor things.
  I would give anything to hear just one APOLOGY or see a little remorse from my uBPDw.
 NGY