Struggling to stay...

[Lindsey74]

I’ve been with my spouse for 23 years, married for 19 - we met when we were 21 & 22 years old.  Throughout our relationship, there has always been a high level of conflict, but over the past few years, it occurs more and more frequently.  Or, perhaps, I’m just not as willing to let it go and make amends.  My husband has never been diagnosed with anything and frankly never put himself in the situation to be diagnosed.  He has a very bad temper that can spark into a full fledge screaming situation at a drop of a hat.  We’ve been to marriage counseling - a very short stint this year.  He didn’t like the counselor, didn’t feel she was helpful, called me a tattletale when I shared (some - not even all of it) what went on etc.  He is hyper-focused on everyone else - he has a problem with almost everyone.  Actually, at some point in his relationships, with everyone.  He doesn’t take accountability for his actions and frankly has stopped even apologizing for them.  There is always a “yes, but... .” where he rationalizes why he said what he did and often ends with him telling me that I don’t support him.  Particularly when it comes to our children.  We have 2 great boys - ages 16 & 12.  They are smart, kind, athletic, well-rounded kids - who he “rides” constantly... .which is often the reason we end up arguing.  And, he’ll continue to argue so at some point, I just shut down, stop talking and ignore him as best as possible until he gets himself to a better place.  He does a lot for the kids - financially, helping with the care etc., but when he’s not around (i.e. away on business - which isn’t very often/often enough) the kids and I enjoy a much more peaceful existense.  To make matters worse, he has a home office, so he’s there most of the time.  I have 2-weeks vacation coming up and I am dreading the extra time I am going to have to be around him.  I’m frustrated and don’t know what to do.  I can’t ask him to leave as he has nowhere to go.  I am truly the only person he is close to.  I feel trapped and stuck.  I’m a successful 44 year old woman who is just completely failing in this aspect of my life.  Full of guilt in regards to how I feel... .And, trying to figure out how much more/longer I can take this. 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Lindsey74,



I am glad you're here with us. The members are very good at sharing and supporting each other with these challenging situations we all find ourselves in. There is a lot of helpful information to the right of the board here  and around the entire site. I hope you will stick around, get to know us, and post and reply on the posts of others as well - we can all use the support!

I want to ask, how do your sons feel about their father? Are they in fear of him? Do they avoid him as well?

Has anything in the last few years that has been a factor in way your husband seems to be getting worse lately?

sincerely, pearl.