GF OF 3 years invited me on vacation and then...

[BiPxtn2424]

This is quite the tragic situation here and I don't know what to believe based on the timeine of events.

I was on vacation with my long time girlfriend of 3.5 years. The first week I was here she wanted to go out with friends. I thought it was odd that she didn't want to invite me but that is a different issue.

On that night (june 28) she apparently went out with friends, had 2 drinks and wanted to go home a bit early. Someone in their group offered to drive her to her car. She didn't really know this person very well but didn't think anything bad would happen.

She told me he drove her around for about 30 minutes to "sober up" then parked the car and proceeded to kiss and make moves towards he. She says she protested but he had climbed on top of her in the front passenger seat. He then pushed her back to the back of the car against her will and raped her. She has pictures of herself the morning after with horrible bruises all over her body, including her throat.

I was also present the following day and her demeanor changed. Depressed, catatonic, etc. She distanced herself emotionally from me for the next 3 weeks, while also going out without me 3 more times... .

All the while I had no idea what had happened until I found plan B and a receipt dated 6/30 in her purse while looking for change (on vacation needed some euros). Confronted her and she said it was for me... We didnt have sex the night before that date. I didnt believe her story but gathered more evidence because I was actually worried about my own health... .Confronted her more times after and she said she bought it for someone else... .then she told me to forget about it... .then she said she was raped after I provided evidence of the Plan B

Here is the big part that bothers me

She didn't go to the hospital, or the police. She didn't get tested for STD's and had sex with me unprotected before I found out this all happened. She says the night of the rape there was no condom used... .Why would someone you have been with for almost 4 years lie to you about NOT having sex with someone else, and then proceed to put your health at risk by having sex with you... .

I have booked a flight home early because this trip has been life changing for both of us. I have gotten her parents involved and she is scheduled for therapy starting this week. I need to take care of my own health which was put at risk before I can help someone else.

TLDR:

GF says she was raped

Didn't report and didn't tell me

Was going out with friends without me while im across the world for her

Didn't tell me and had unprotected sex with me afterwards

Only confessed after I found evidence of either cheating or rape.

I am leaving to deal with my own **** (getting tested in America)

Relationship is over, I booked a flight home and told her we are done.

She cheated on me AT LEAST once that I know of for sure in the past, which is why I had my serious doubts about this.

Any advice or feedback is appreciated.

[Mutt]

Hi BiPxtn2424,



I’m so sorry that you’re going through this  What q distressing situation to go through while on vacation . I’m also sorry to hear about the horrible situation that you’re gf went through and good idea to get tested.

Is your gf diagnosed with BPD?

[BiPxtn2424]

Hi BiPxtn2424,



I’m so sorry that you’re going through this  What q distressing situation to go through while on vacation . I’m also sorry to hear about the horrible situation that you’re gf went through and good idea to get tested.

Is your gf diagnosed with BPD?

She is not diagnosed but displays common characteristics. I'm just so distraught that after 3.5 years she would cheat on me while in her country, and then lie about it.

[DogMan75]

She is not diagnosed but displays common characteristics. I'm just so distraught that after 3.5 years she would cheat on me while in her country, and then lie about it.

Welcome the crappy party, my fellow Redditor (Amirite? “TLDR”).

Cheating and lying is definitely a familiar story in these parts, sadly. I’m glad to see you in this section, though. I know plenty of people put up with it, but I really don’t know how or why.

Had you suspected BPD all along or are you just learning about it now?

[Skip]

She has pictures of herself the morning after with horrible bruises all over her body, including her throat.

Hi BiPxtn2424,

Did you see these bruises when you were there?  Or, did she send you these photo's after the fact? Also, what country is she in? The rape processes are not so friendly in some countries.

This is a horrible experience for you, either way. All facts aside, whoever she had sex with, she feels that they pose no threat for STDs... .there is some level of trust or respect.

Sorry you are living this. We are here to walk with you.

Skip

[BiPxtn2424]

Hi BiPxtn2424,

Did you see these bruises when you were there?  Or, did she send you these photo's after the fact? Also, what country is she in? The rape processes are not so friendly in some countries.

This is a horrible experience for you, either way. All facts aside, whoever she had sex with, she feels that they pose no threat for STDs... .there is some level of trust or respect.

Sorry you are living this. We are here to walk with you.

Skip

She was supposed to pick me up downtown at 2 AM (she went out alone with friends, so I went out by myself downtown) and she never picked me up, so at 3:30 AM i got a taxi home.

Next day I was pissed so I only noticed her behaviour. She only showed me picture of bruises about 3 weeks later after I FINALLY got her to admit she had sex with someone else. She claimed it was rape because she had no other alternative or excuse. She told me the Plan B was for me, then for someone else... Then finally it was hers but she was raped... .

[BiPxtn2424]

Welcome the crappy party, my fellow Redditor (Amirite? “TLDR”).

Cheating and lying is definitely a familiar story in these parts, sadly. I’m glad to see you in this section, though. I know plenty of people put up with it, but I really don’t know how or why.

Had you suspected BPD all along or are you just learning about it now?

Just reading about it now. She may just be a narcissistic compulsive liar with 0 self esteem and no morals. Who can tell?

[Skip]

She only showed me picture of bruises about 3 weeks later... .

Did you see the timestamp? Know who took the photo (or was it a selfie). That would tell you a lot.

What country was this? Cultures are very different on rape.

I only ask as resolving that this was not rape will help you process it.

Can you tel us what this relationship is all about? Why were you long distance? What was the arrangement? What happened when she cheated last time?

[BiPxtn2424]

Did you see the timestamp? Know who took the photo (or was it a selfie). That would tell you a lot.

What country was this? Cultures are very different on rape.

I only ask as resolving that this was not rape will help you process it.

Can you tel us what this relationship is all about? Why were you long distance? What was the arrangement? What happened when she cheated last time?

I didn't see the timestamp, but I think it was the night after she confessed it happened (selfie)... .However she went out ALONE again 3 more times following that night, before I found out.

Italy.

We were together while she was in college from her sophomore year to graduation. After graduation she invited me to Italy.

We were not long distance

We were monogomous

She cheated on me a year back when I moved back home to study. I found a used condom in our apartment trashcan when I visited her. She lied about that and said she used it on a banana. She finally confessed and started cutting herself locked in the bedroom. I called her parents in Italy, they flew across the world and i forgave her 2 months later.

6 Months ago somebody messages me on facebook saying they had sex with her. She denies it but I have no evidence to go on so I forget it... .But before I forget it she takes a handful of sleeping pills, I rush her to the hospital. Stay with her

3 Weeks ago this happens. I had enough of her manipulative bull___ and lies.

[Skip]

The cutting and sleeping pills sound like BPD-ish behavior for sure. Flirting/cheating is involved in about half of the failed relationships here according to member surveys.

I would feel the way you feel. Enough of this. You don't deserve to be treated that way. I would be angry.

You said you didn't know what to believe (your first sentence). Time stamps on photos might be your ":)NA" in this case.

The whole situation looks bad, regardless. The fact that she responds with self injury takes this into the complex world of BPD where this is probably not manipulation but rather low self esteem and poor executive function. This doesn't make it any better for you, but the motivations are different.

How is she reacting now? Do you know?

How are you feeling? Angry? Hurt? Betrayed? Attacked?

[BiPxtn2424]

The cutting and sleeping pills sound like BPD-ish behavior for sure. Flirting/cheating is involved in about half of the failed relationships here according to member surveys.

I would feel the way you feel. Enough of this. You don't deserve to be treated that way. I would be angry.

You said you didn't know what to believe (your first sentence). Time stamps on photos might be your ":)NA" in this case.

The whole situation looks bad, regardless. The fact that she responds with self injury takes this into the complex world of BPD where this is probably not manipulation but rather low self esteem and poor executive function. This doesn't make it any better for you, but the motivations are different.

How is she reacting now? Do you know?

How are you feeling? Angry? Hurt? Betrayed? Attacked?

I left Italy, walked out the door and never looked back. I heard her break out into crying as I was walking out though... .

Haven't spoked to her in a week.

I feel Angry, Hurt, Betrayed and I feel like I've been used for 3 years.

Oh and a side note... .After that night (june 30th) the night she claimed she was raped, the next 3 weeks she spent texting another guy... all the time... hiding her phone. And she went out 3 more times after that night without me.

[Skip]

You already have your ":)NA" evidence. 

[BiPxtn2424]

You already have your ":)NA" evidence. 

what do you mean

[Skip]

You initially said you were confused by all of this. The texting with another man is pretty clear what is going on here. ":)NA evidence", if you will. Just like looking at the photo timestamp would tell you if it was related to the date/event/claim.

[BiPxtn2424]

You initially said you were confused by all of this. The texting with another man is pretty clear what is going on here. ":)NA evidence", if you will. Just like looking at the photo timestamp would tell you if it was related to the date/event/claim.

she could have taken pictures of herself after a night of rough sex as an excuse if I ever found out, but yes the talking to another guy while I am there is evidence enough.

[Lostinanother]

Bill Paxton,

It’s good to see you took my advice from the other LS Board and came over here.
The people here have been in the same positions as you so will be able to give you better advice

Good luck

[Lostinanother]

I think that guy she was texting was probably also sleeping with her and that’s why she was going out again three more times.
Maybe it was the guy she was texting that she slept with
Maybe it was one of his friends


The thing is that you will never know
If you had stayed with her you would have been trickle truthed for months or even years and the story will change so much that you’ll be driven insane with questions and hypothetical situations... .

Even now the damage has been done and you will analyze what happened like it was the JFK assassination

Just know that what she told you was the tip, the very tip of the iceburg and now you’re through the looking glass

[Lostinanother]

By the way, are you sure the bruises on her neck weren’t love bites or hickies ? Because she might have sent those to the guy to say “hey look what you did!” And then when you found out she sent those pics to you later saying they were bruises... .

[BiPxtn2424]

She was a piece of ___ and got dumped. Walked away without looking back. Now she is pissed and ___posting me on facebook because she left my PC at my house 6000 miles away and its mine now. Her mother told me I am trash... .. Basically a whole foreign family with 0 values that is butthurt.

[Lostinanother]

She is painting you black and making you look like the bad guy.

That’s what they all do.

You need to block her everywhere and try to go completely NC because it’s not over by a long shot for her.

I still get emails from my ex begging me to remember the good times we had. Crazy.

[BiPxtn2424]

She is painting you black and making you look like the bad guy.

That’s what they all do.

You need to block her everywhere and try to go completely NC because it’s not over by a long shot for her.

I still get emails from my ex begging me to remember the good times we had. Crazy.

I doubt thats gonna happen. Her mom messaged me and I told her their entire family was trash. Told her about the cutting the pills etc and that shes a cheating piece of ___. Of course she doesn't believe me though.

[Skip]

If she is cheating on you, you have very right to be angry at her.

Why are you angry with her mom?

[BiPxtn2424]

If she is cheating on you, you have very right to be angry at her.

Why are you angry with her mom?

Because their family thought i was a bad person for leaving the country and the relationship. They enable her and ignore her mental problems.