Hello Friends,
Last Friday, my boyfriend of 3 years informed me that he wanted to only be friends because in his eyes we were best friends and he was afraid of hurting me with his behaviors. He also started to pressure me in doing a business with him shortly after breaking up with me and kept impressing on me that he really wanted to remain friends. In his perspective, he felt the friendship is so deep that he could not do without me and felt that without the romantic intimacy that we could just move ahead quickly to our new pathway. He also mentioned that he is deeply in love with me and very attracted to me but that he again was afraid of hurting me. He also said that he had to hurt himself and that in that process he realized that he hurt me as well as there was a risk that I would walk away completely.
The reason this all started was that I reminded him of an important milestone to us, which was our anniversary. It happened last weekend- Labor Day, and we talked on Friday of that weekend and he said he would call me later that night to make plans. He didn't call all weekend, and I had reached out to him to wish him a Happy Anniversary and sent a text of the same. He never responded to the text; all weekend it made me feel lousy and somewhat taken for granted and disrespected. When he finally reached out to him on Monday night, I let him know that I needed to set a boundary and that even if he was going to be busy- just to let me know so that I wouldn't worry and I could make other plans. I also said I wanted to be treated with respect as this was important to me and he said that he didn't need a reminder of how to treat me and then did not talk to me all week long after sharing what I needed.
When we finally saw each other again, this is when he shared his decision without factoring in how I felt or my thoughts/response to the situation. Since then, he has frequently called, face timed me, taken me to dinner, but still reminding me that we are only friends. I feel this behavior is a bit sadistic and to the extent that he is wanting to keep me in close watch and in his life with an expectation of acting like a girlfriend but no romance. He feels he is broken and hurts women consistently and with that I am of the belief that maybe this isn't good for me. He will get very irrational and will stop talking to me for several days when I challenge him on something I may not agree with, or try to set a boundary with how I need/want to be treated. What stinks about this situation is that we are amazing 90% of the time, except for these communication issues which occur. Even last night, I said to him that I was sorry I could not participate in his business plans when he needed and he said then to me that I was lying because last week I didn't want to be involved. It was a crazy conversation and had to remind him that when he was pressuring me to do a business with him it was in the midst of this emotional change and I needed time to process. But that my intentions were not disingenuous, rather, that I needed time to reflect because all I was hearing was - do a business with me but I don't want to be your partner.
I need some support and perspective. I'm at a loss of what to do other than walk away completely which I am not sure I am 100% there yet. He seems unwilling to listen and I am not into game playing to get a guy's attention. I need to stay true to myself however, I am seriously confused.
Thanks for listening!
