Isolated and Confused

[Bnonymous]

Hi,

I feel very nervous and self-conscious about posting. I was hoping to lurk for a while and get a feel of the tone of the boards before wading in, but it seems a first post is required. *gulps*

I don't know what to say. I don't know what I want. I don't know if I want to leave the relationship with my BPD boyfriend or stay with him (I think I want to stay and try to improve things and see how it goes, but I'm unsure). I just want to talk to people who don't see things in black and white. I want to talk to people who don't say either "He's ill, it's not his fault, how could you think of leaving?" OR "He's abusive and there's no excuse - get out now". I want to talk to people who don't label me "codependent" for staying or "heartless" for considering leaving. I want to talk to people who understand that it's infinitely more complicated than these binary positions.

That said, I'm not really ready to talk just yet, so, I guess I just want to reach out to and touch base with people whom I will feel safe and comfortable talking with when I am ready. I don't want to reach the point of being ready to talk and then let the chance slip by because I don't know who to talk TO. I'd like to virtually meet you all first. :-)

(Apologies if I have posted this in the wrong forum - feel free to move it, if so - am still getting my bearings!)

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Panda39]

Hi Bnonymous,

I'm sorry for what brings you here, but am happy you decided to jump in and introduce yourself.   

Everyone on this site has someone with BPD/BPD Traits in their life and we really do "get it".  I'm here because my significant other (SO) has an undiagnosed BPD ex-wife (uBPDxw) and they share 2 daughters. 

I have found the folks here supportive, knowledgeable and have a wealth of experience to share.  The site itself has lots of tools and information that you can tap into, that can help improve things. 

I hope you will share more of your story as you get more comfortable, in the mean time check out the site and read the posts of others and jump into any conversation that resonates with you.  If you're like me you will find many other stories that echo your own experience.

Again Welcome to the BPD Family
Panda39

[Bnonymous]

Thanks, Panda39. Nice to meet you :-)

That sounds like a really difficult situation for everyone involved. How old are your partner's daughters and how much understanding do they have about their mother's condition? (if you don't mind my asking - just ignore the questions if you prefer to)

I ended up starting a new thread very quickly after posting this one and have said quite a bit more about my situation there. I guess the act of posting kind of unlocked something in me and then I found (to my surprise) that I *was* ready and able to talk after all. :-)

[once removed]

I guess the act of posting kind of unlocked something in me and then I found (to my surprise) that I *was* ready and able to talk after all. :-)

despite the circumstances that bring us here, this is a place with a lot of hope, and we are a fun bunch 

[Radcliff]

Welcome!  I see your newer thread and am glad you felt comfortable sharing!  Folks who want to join you there can click on this link:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=330298.0;all

I'll lock this thread to steer support to your new one.

RC