Can you give us a little more detail about the situation? Is your family staying at your house? How far are they traveling from? By car or plane?
What does she do when she physically attacks you? Can you describe her worst attack in detail?
There are things we can do to reduce the level of conflict. One is to avoid the urge to
“justify, argue, defend, or explain” (JADE). When you "set her straight" about you not being lazy, it likely inflamed the situation.
It's quite common for our pwBPD to become upset and difficult before visitors arrive at the home, particularly our FOO. The most successful path often involves getting ahead of the problem, with increased validation and support for our pwBPD in the days leading up to the visit.
Your overall situation is a tough one, and won't turn around quickly, but we can absolutely help with that. The key to responding effectively and improving things is to figure out which of your behaviors are helping and which are making things worse. That will take time.
Between now and tomorrow, avoid JADE at all costs. See if you can validate her a bit, saying you understand how stressful it can be to have visitors. Are there things you can do to make the visit less stressful for her? Can you offer to take them out to dinner on the first night and give her a break? Can you go shopping to buy groceries for them? You'll have better specific ideas than I can offer, but you get the general idea -- it's stressful for any woman to have in-laws headed for her home, let alone for someone with BPD. What can you do to help?
RC
p.s. About taking things out of her purse... .Can you tell us a bit about how taking the credit cards protected you, and how taking the keys protected you? (I'm not challenging, just asking to get better understanding before offering my thoughts.)