from feeling defeated to checking out

[my3girls]

My husband was always somewhat difficult. Consistently inconsistent. Temper tantrums seemingly out of the blue when he doesn't get his way. Recently he's escalated and is beyond unbearable. After consulting with my therapist he believes my has borderline traits. (but obviously cannot officially diagnose him since he refuses treatment)
13 years ago he was diagnosed bipolar. However he hasn't exhibited typical bipolar symptoms since then. I have read a couple of books so far on borderline and seems to fit the diagnosis.
I don't know where to begin. Im exhausted, defeated, and never feel like we resolve any conflicts, unless of course I give in to him. One minute he's rational and reasonable, and the next he's not. I'm tired of being blamed for everything, and he feels justified in his name calling. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[hope2727]

Sorry you are enduring this. The consistent inconsistency is exhausting. It takes a huge emotional toll. This is a great forum full of amazing people. There are many good lessons here. Please continue to post and read. Its not an instant solution but it is a place of understanding and support.

Can you tell us a little more about your situation? Is your therapist experienced with people with BPD? How are you finding therapy?do you have people around you who are supportive?

Meanwhile keep reading. Hopefully you will find some comfort here.

[Radcliff]

Let me join hope2727 in welcoming you!  The most important advice I can give is to engage in a discussion here, and read the threads of other members.  There are coping tools we can learn to make things much better.  If you give us an example of a recent difficult situation with your husband we can help walk you through how you might approach things.

RC

[RolandOfEld]

Hi my3girls, joining hope2727 and Radcliff in welcoming you!

Please do share a recent scenario you have difficulty resolving since that would be a great place to start. I deal with a ton of inconsistency with my wife as well and it makes problem solving next to impossible, so I can strongly empathize here.

Do you have children as your name suggests, and if so are they together or from different partners? 

Sending you strength,
RolandOfEld