How did you handle relationship memorabilia? Why?

[once removed]

all that stuff.

youre going through the pains of the breakup. who needs a bunch of reminders around?

one thing ive observed is that we all handle it differently. some very quickly delete, delete, delete. some set fire to it and ritualistically release it. i got a box, and put everything in it, small or large. i have since disposed of some of it, and kept the rest, some still put away, some things that i appreciate have been used or displayed.

what has been your method, and why did you choose it? what did it mean to you to do it, and has it helped or do you regret it?

if youve done nothing yet, do you still look at it? why or why not?

[GaGrl]

I kept a few photos that were already in albums.

[Cromwell]

pictures; 35 time overwrite.

Not because I would have been worried idve recovered them one day, or that a 3 pass would have been more than enough.

it felt catharthic. I remember doing it then texting her afterwards. I remember vividly the hard drive whirring through them all, it was soothing.

I have some regrets about it, for example it was Halloween a few nights back and there was nothing out there that scared me, I felt completely undersold by it and if there was a box of her endless narcissistic selfies I could have dragged them out, reminded me what true horror really is/was, then  stash away and kept for next year.

[earlyL]

I deleted all our text messages but kept the pictures on my phone. I look at them every so often, I prefer the memories of the good times to the anger. But I think with the written texts I would just try to analyse everything and that would cause more pain.

 I've kept the cards she sent me, and notes we left each other in hidden box, one day I'll want to go through them I am sure.

One of the hardest things I found in packing up after the break up I realised she had never bought me anything special as a present - that they were always practical things. I think of the thoughtful gifts I gave her and wonder if she kept them. On my last birthday when we were together, (four weeks before she started her next relationship) she said to me, 'I didn't get you anything for your birthday', it was really sad, like she just hadn't remembered. Not that I ever really wanted anything, but I remember thinking it strange. I guess she had already moved on, I just didn't know it yet.

[hope2727]

Friend showed up with 2 bottles of wine and a banker boxes. She fed me red while she drank white and MADE me put everything in the boxes which she then put firmly in my garage. At the time I shed many many tears. I had orders to add anything else I ran across to the boxes as I found it.

I moved 4 years later and a different friend was in charge of that as i was writing comprehensive exams for my masters degree at the time. I am slowly unpacking in my new home and ran across said boxes in the basement. I set them aside for now but wasn't to upset by them. I will unpack them later and sort out what I want to keep as remembrances and what I will dispose of. Likely I will do a photo album and chuck the rest. He was a part of my life and I value the positive parts of it. I don't want to minimize the good in the relationship. IT was what it was and I love him despite his flaws.

The only other thing i have is a blanket, a sweater, and a stuffed toy I gave him. I like the toy and the blanket and sweater are great by the fire pit. Oh and I have his Carhartt which I wear around the farm for chores. Its practical ( and maybe a bit sentimental). He is still much loved even if not present in my life. So it reminds me to send him love from afar and wish him peace and happiness.

[Mutt]

We didn’t have a lot of albums I hid those I took all of the digital photos of our family off of the computer and stored it on an external drive some are online. I took all of the photos with her and is off of FB you would never know that I was married haha

Just the way things went down with finding out that she was cheating behind my back for a year, projected it all in me and how she took me out of the family picture and swapped him in my place. That being said his health has really declined he had a back condition but he’s in a cane now I’m 44 and he’s a few years younger than me. I feel sad for him and their daughter he is going to have a really difficult time if he doesn’t have a court order.

[Baglady]

This is a really tough one for me.  Still living in our martial home because I bought him out so that I could continue to keep my son in his current school district until he graduates a couple of years from now.  I hate, hate, hate being surrounded by all "our" furniture but I cannot afford to get rid of any of it right now due to the massive mortgage I had to take out.  I plan to donate it all to a community warehouse for victims of domestic violence as soon as I sell up after my son graduates.  I could sell them and make money but I'm feeling a need to have some thing positive come out of my suffering - karmic justice I suppose for the domestic violence he put me through.  I am weeding through and disposing of anything small that I can afford to lose.  I literally think of some of my possessions as "before him" and "after him".  I take joy in small reminders of the growing amount of things that are starting to fill the latter category (don't worry - I'm in serious therapy and I'm doing well!).  I'm enjoying the gradual erasure process but wish I could speed it up. 

The most hurtful part of it all are the family photos.  I can't get rid of them because my son is in most of them. The photos of around my son's birth in particular are enormously bittersweet and painful for me now.  I can't bare to look through many because it's still so raw and heartbreaking.  These are the most loaded possessions for me when they should be the source of only joy and pleasure.

I did take enormous pleasure in burning a few photos with just him in them and will continue to do them periodically when he pulls a new BPD stunt on me.  Very cathartic!

Warmly
B

[once removed]

dont forget to check off the poll, everybody!

[MeandThee29]

Dividing everything was agony for me. How do you do that after so many years together?

We're renting after selling the house that we had owned for several decades. I was really unsettled in this house for the first six months, but I'm fine now. A different chapter of life. Our rental is a bit of a dump, but the rent was below market and the location is outstanding, so we deal. It was the right place for us.

It really didn't bother me to bring most of the furniture. The surroundings are entirely different, so I'm fine.

The pictures and cards are still in boxes. I got a lot of stuff that he didn't want that I'm still going through, and the pictures are low on my priority.

[CryWolf]

had a box of memories: old receipts. cards. fliers. threw the box in the dumpster.

some of her old clothes: thrown away

old notes and letters: ripped into pieces

old pictures deleted.

only saved a pic or two.

all these moments were not done all at once.

[Sirnut]

I deleted all of our electronic correspondence, and all photos of her or of the two of us together. Sad to think I can never get these back again, but it was the right decision.

I’ve kept a couple of physical mementos of things we did together - things we were both proud of. I won’t go into details, but I did want to keep something to remember what was good in our times together. I don’t want to turn her into a non-person.

[Drs204]

I am still trying to decide what to do with this stuff. I may just put it all in a box for now. I have a T-shirt and some clothes she bought for me and a couple of gifts from her. The pictures I may put on a thumb drive and put in the box and delete from phone and computers, only to remain on the thumb drive. Eventually I will probably just dump it all especially if I end up with someone else.

But at the moment I have not done anything with it.

[mims]

Different things at different stages. From the 7 months since we broke up.
First, I ripped some drawings he had made for me early in our relationship. They felt fake. It felt good then.

Later, I packed a box with his stuff and dropped off at his place. Felt good to not see the stuff.

Later, I put gifts and other stuff away in the closet. First thinking I would give it away, especially the clothes. Maybe I will later, but I will first give myself some time to process. See what, or if, I would like to keep as a memory of what was and some of the good things.

A piece of clothing I still use because it has fond memories that I connect with our daughter and Im also thinking I can neutralize the painful memories by using it. Replace it with others. Expose myself to the pain so to speak.

Photos are still on my phone, and I really agree with Baglady, the ones around the birth of our child are the most painful to look at. I recently bought a new phone so they will also be left on the old one, in storage, for some time. Taking some things at a time. Working on acceptance now and hopfully ill be able to look at these photos differently later.

[Beneck]

I've kept everything.

And I don't intent to dispose anything.

I sure as hell don't want to look at anything she's sent me, that's for sure. It hurts me to remember her but at the same time, I feel I would be insensitive to throw it away. This was an important part of my life and I want to preserve it.

She had sent me about 3 letters and some drawings. One of the first drawings she had sent me was intended to become a poster for the mental hospital. I had a copy of this drawing laminated and taped one of the walls in my room.

The last letter was accompanied by a shirt of hers and pentagram made from willow tree sticks and fabric. Maybe one day I'll have the pentagram in my room, somewhere.

I also have a folder with pictures of her, or conversation history, as well as a "mixtape" I was about to send her. I've deleted the folder from my computer, but not before uploading it to the cloud.

[Red5]

Every time we had a huge “this is it” fight, I would delete pictures off the computer... .off my phone, wedding pictures all disappeared a few years ago, don’t recall how many times we’ve both thrown framed pictures away... .at some point I stopped digging them back out of the trash bins... .

She has ripped up every card or letter I ever sent or have given to her... .over time and during each fight... .I’ve done the same,

She told me today that she is moving out... .we’ve been married for almost eight years... .

I am pretty sure after she is gone that I will have the urge to purge... .just as I did after my first divorce,