Does your partner self harm?

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My boyfriend punches and scratches himself constantly.

Right now, I’m in the bedroom listening to him beat the ___ out of himself. I’m not worried for myself or my pets or anything, but I’m so sick of it. It grosses me out and makes me sad for him and makes my heart beat fast, and I’m constantly exhausted from the emotional ups and downs I feel being around him like this.

He’s always covered in scabby fingernail scratch marks all over his chest and neck, and he’s forever punching himself in the thigh/chest/face and making bruises. Even his middle knuckle is all thick,  and I realized recently it’s because he’s been punching himself for so long he’s developed a callous.

His mother says he’s been doing it since he was a kid. One time he beat himself up so bad the whole side of his face swelled up like elephant man and turned black.

I dunno what happened tonight. Everything was awesome and then I heard him doing dishes and then slamming things, and then the unmistakable sound of him socking himself.

I started counting after about 30 minutes of hearing this and he’s hit himself around 50 times.

I feel bad just ghosting him when he’s having a fit but he flat out refuses to talk about anything EVER. I’ve been asking him how he’s feeling and what’s wrong and how can I help for a year and a half now and he will always.always.always respond with “nothing I’m fine”.

Either that or he starts raving incoherently and no matter what I do or say, he thinks I hate him and that he needs to leave and that he can’t be here, etc etc. Even silence provokes this response. But he will flat out refuse to say “I am upset because there are a lot of dishes and I didn’t feel like doing them” or whatever the stupid problem is.

I decided to just walk away and sit in a separate room by myself when he gets this way because I am lazy and tired of dealing with it, and because there is literally nothing I can do to fix the situation because nothing helps him.

Is there another, more constructive way of handling these situations without compromising my own emotional health? Should I be doing something differently?

I feel like me interacting with him when he’s like this in any capacity I know of does nothing to alleviate his emotional state. All it does is make me stressed and angry and frustrated and I don’t want to live like that.

I want to help him without letting his emotional problems affect me. If I followed him wherever he went emotionally I would be friggin’ miserable.

I know he’s struggling and suffering and I want to help. I just don’t want to struggle and suffer too.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

I am sorry that you are facing such a tough situation.  My BPDw does not self harm, so I can only imagine what that is like for you.  This is a serious situation.  Do you have the support of a therapist for yourself who can understand the situation and give you professional advice?  Does he have a regular therapist or psychiatrist?

RC