Narcisstic Help Group

[12years]

Hello Everyone:
Is there also a Narcissistic Family.com website or something similar? I am thinking I would like to look up some message boards related to this specific disorder. Or do you think that bpdfamily is the best bet? I know there are people who have both, but, I think my husband is more narcissistic than BPD. I know the symptoms are very similar. But then again he's undiagnosed and only attempted therapy with me and for himself, and I feel that's more NPD than BPD. I feel BPD's may want help... .We are heading straight to a divorce, finally!, so, I was looking for different advice more geared to NPD. I have read Splitting which was very helpful!
Thanks!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi 12 years,

a lot of members here have a partner that is exclusively or mostly NPD. youre in the right place 

so whats going on lately?

[zachira]

If you  google "narcissism", you will find all kinds of articles and websites that address "narcissism", particularly in couples, and certainly places where you can post your comments and get feedback from others dealing with a partner who has NPD. There are many books that explain "narcissism". I particularly like: "Trapped in the Mirror", as it explains so well how narcissists manipulate us, and how their disorder affects their thinking.

[12years]

Thank you! Zachira--who is the author of Trapped in the Mirror?
I see two on Amazon.

[12years]

The more that I talk to my therapist about him, she thinks he's more NPD. She almost always right about everything! And I do know this website does address it, but, I am hoping for a bit more insight. We are headed right for a separation and divorce, thank goodness. I have waited and waited and now he's going to move out on his own accord. I have been tempted to get him out and serve him papers, but, it seems he may not have to leave unless court orders say he does. And it might be he wouldn't leave or fight to stay in the house for some reason and also say we can't financially do it. (He's only concerned about money, and the house-- of course, he is!)

He is too scary to serve papers to and then have to have a waiting period of a few weeks for the temporary orders hearing. I can leave at that time but they say you should go back so it doesn't appear you are abandoning the property... .it's a tricky situation. So serving him papers to get him away from me would be the second step. He wants to move out when I take the kids to the east coast to visit my family over Christmas break. I just am not sure it's going to happen. He'll find a way not to leave. His "power position" is in the house. And the procrastination to DO anything about the situation, get therapy (only did it 4 times in one year), or if you want to decide on the house, call the mortgage company--he didn't even know the company who held the mortgage.

Since he decided he'll move out, he is just completely dismissive and still says rude things to me. And seems more manipulative and condescending. I thought he had BPD and felt a little sorry for him but as an NPD he is a jerk and doing alot of this on purpose, and has been. And threatens to file earlier, like 3 months earlier than he says initially, in March instead of May, which won't matter if I can find employment. But, for the sake of the kids trying not to interrupt their school year (end of May it ends). He of course wants discussions to be solely a business transaction, which is somewhat fine, but, this is your life and you have children's welfare involved! He views the kids not really as people, much like how he views me as I have realized. And says something that sound great as far as custody, I get them most of the time due to his business travel, but, I KNOW I can't rely on this. I know he's going to fight nasty if he doesn't hear what he likes.

I have a good lawyer, I think, but, who knows how it's going to shake down. I am not going to mediate. It's going to make him mad that he has to pay for a lawyer's services and not be his own lawyer, which I know alot of NPD's do!

[zachira]

The author of "Trapped in the Mirror" is Elan Golomb.

[once removed]

I thought he had BPD and felt a little sorry for him but as an NPD he is a jerk and doing alot of this on purpose, and has been.

hes the same man youve always known; you need neither feel sorry for him, nor that hes a bad person. what is true is that in divorce, there are no clear loyalties, all bets are off, and people with BPD/NPD can be high conflict in divorce proceedings. you need to be prepared.

i can think of no better support than our Family Law/Divorce/Co-Parenting board here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=10.0