Need help coping

[FrazzledinVA]

This is my first time. I have a wife with BPD and I'm just overwhelmed and trying to learn how to cope.  Thanks!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

I'm just overwhelmed and trying to learn how to cope. 

we can help!

tell us more. how long have you been with your partner? what problems are you experiencing lately?

[FrazzledinVA]

Thank you for responding!  I have been with her for 9 years romantically but married for about 4 1/2 years.  Things were mostly good while dating and our first year of marriage but now they are really tough.  She seems agitated and angry about 90% of the time.  Just so negative and in conflict with everyone around her at home, at work, friends, etc.  I am worried about our future and how long I can hang in there.  It's really hard.

[once removed]

can you have a read of this and tell us what stage your relationship is in: https://bpdfamily.com/content/your-relationship-breaking-down

She seems agitated and angry about 90% of the time.

whats she agitated and angry about?

[FrazzledinVA]

can you have a read of this and tell us what stage your relationship is in: https://bpdfamily.com/content/your-relationship-breaking-down

I'd say we are experiencing the avoidance in Stage 4 and she does a lot of eye rolling when we are arguing and then accuses me of it. So there's also the contempt mentioned in stage 3.

whats she agitated and angry about?  It can be almost anything... .People at work, noises I make, i.e. can't stand it if I'm eating candy or chewing gum.  She just seems to be in constant conflict with everyone and everything.  She Huff's and Puffs and when I ask what's wrong she seems aggravated by that!  Nothing is right, everything is wrong... .
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[Bnonymous]

Hi FrazzledinVA,

Let me join Once Removed in welcoming you to the family! 

I'm glad you found us.

Some people with BPD have associated sensory processing issues; for these people, noises might sound louder or distorted or be harder to tune out than they are for others. I'd try to bear that in mind and understand that she might be genuinely distressed by the candy/gum noises. What does she say about it? How do you reply?