Talked to my ex UBPD ex gf yesterday

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi guys
Im taking some vacations next week. When i went to open my box of documents to get my passport i found hers too. Both rolled with an elastic band.
Felt the rush of anxiety in my chest immediately.
Didnt know what to, do. Send it by post to her house or her work and get the reply "why are you sending things to my place?"
So i take half xanax and an hour later i send her a message.
This is how it went

Me: "Hi X how are you doing?" (18:56)
X: "Hello, Fine." (18:59)
X: "You?" (18:59)
Me: "Everything ok doin some work at home" (18:59)
Me: "Listen. Im taking some vacations next week and i found your passport nex to mine" (18:59)
Me: Send her a picture of the passport
X: "yeah, i know" (19:00)
X: "Keep it or throw it away, im not planning to go anywhere, jajaja" (19:00)
Me: "jajaja ok. It was just to know that it is here in case of" (19:01)
X: "Ok, thank u (thumbs up emoji) (19:01)
Me: "Youre welcome" (19:01)
X: "Have a nice time in your vacations (Victory fingers emoji)" (19:02)
Me: "Thank you. Kisses" (19:03)

She didnt reply to that and the conversation end there.
We broke up 2 months ago, i left her. I was amussed that it wasnt blocked from whatsapp. She did block me from instagram a week ago.
Had the feeling that she didnt care at all or that she was trying to a little friendly.
For what i know, shes going out every single night since my replacement (lasted 3 weeks throw towel). What i think is that shes still fighting herself to split me black and she cant inside her head.

Insights?
Cheers.
Love everyone of you.

[FJM]

Hi guys
Im taking some vacations next week. When i went to open my box of documents to get my passport i found hers too. Both rolled with an elastic band.
Felt the rush of anxiety in my chest immediately.
Didnt know what to, do. Send it by post to her house or her work and get the reply "why are you sending things to my place?"
So i take half xanax and an hour later i send her a message.
This is how it went

Me: "Hi X how are you doing?" (18:56)
X: "Hello, Fine." (18:59)
X: "You?" (18:59)
Me: "Everything ok doin some work at home" (18:59)
Me: "Listen. Im taking some vacations next week and i found your passport nex to mine" (18:59)
Me: Send her a picture of the passport
X: "yeah, i know" (19:00)
X: "Keep it or throw it away, im not planning to go anywhere, jajaja" (19:00)
Me: "jajaja ok. It was just to know that it is here in case of" (19:01)
X: "Ok, thank u (thumbs up emoji) (19:01)
Me: "Youre welcome" (19:01)
X: "Have a nice time in your vacations (Victory fingers emoji)" (19:02)
Me: "Thank you. Kisses" (19:03)

She didnt reply to that and the conversation end there.
We broke up 2 months ago, i left her. I was amussed that it wasnt blocked from whatsapp. She did block me from instagram a week ago.
Had the feeling that she didnt care at all or that she was trying to a little friendly.
For what i know, shes going out every single night since my replacement (lasted 3 weeks throw towel). What i think is that shes still fighting herself to split me black and she cant inside her head.

Insights?
Cheers.
Love everyone of you.

[FJM]

UPDATE

the next day she upload a kinky story to my ex replacement.

isnt it fun?

[Sandb2015]

Good morning FJM,

Xanax sounds good.

When I had this type of high anxiety, I had to find out it's core, that's not easy.  Recognizing where it comes from, talk to yourself, start writing, speak to someone.  There is a cause that we want to believe is coming from the outside mostly, I may not be qualified to say, but I do believe it stems from our inside.

Find it, embrace it, accept it, you will control it better.

If you had the opportunity, would you want to reconcile if things were better, can you let go of her "dating" and socializing?

You sound somewhat available to positive thinking... .

Had the feeling that she didn't care at all or that she was trying to a little friendly.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey FJM, It's been two months since your b/u.  Are you rethinking your decision to part ways?  I'm unsure from your post.  Would you entertain a recycle if the opportunity presented itself?  Again, I'm unsure from your post.  Were you "testing the waters" by sending her that message?  Fill us in, when you can.

LuckyJim

[FJM]

Lucky Jim
Im unsure of the answer. A part of me wants her to come back, a part of me wants her to crash, and a big part of me wants her to overcome this disorder just for her, to live a truly REAL life. Ill love her forever; the gut of my stomach says get the f out and truly want that she can get throught this and have the life that her family destroyed when she was a kid.

Bless you all in this forum

[Mutt]

FJM,

She has to want to overcome this disorder, it has to come from her anything outside of that is not going to motivate her if she’s not interested. I know that it’s sad when you love someone one and you can clearly see what they need to do but you cant wish for it or do it for them.

It sounds like you have conflicted feelings a part of you that guides you us warning you and the other part wants her back because you feel heartbroken. It’s natural to feel this way, speaking of external influences do you think that self protecting  by not contacting her so that you give youreeelf the time to sort through this on your own so that you have clarity on what you want would work for you?