Need support on current situation with a quiet BPD

[warofthegods321]

Okay, so right after the break up she smear campaigned me to everyone, I broke up after close to two years together, we lived together etc and she blocked me on social media but still accepts mails and phone messages but she probably have calmed down by now with the smear campaign. She is actively communicating to me trough social media and her own ways (honestly I find it hilarious and I believe she does too) but not in any personal way except one time when she asked for something back.

She is obviously not done with me, faaaar from it. I should definitly stay far away as possible and go NC by now unless someone here know a magical recipe on how to revert unrepairable damage that's in her mind and on text so we could remain friends or whatever. Common sense have'nt worked.

Yes, It's daily. She respond to me daily if I reach out and wan't my attention daily and if I don't respond she then tries harder to get me to respond until she get it her way and it's been 5 months now. So why respond daily to me but at the same time pulls me back when I'm "gone" if I have'nt said anything in a few days? She stalks me like crazy and I can't believe that's her abandonment fears speaking but I might be wrong, maybe I'm caught up in or used in some sort of love triangle without knowing it.

I would love some theory crafting or guidance on what to do in my situation if my intention is not to completely lose her out of my life but I'm willing to go NC.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi warofthegods321,



Why did you break up? What were the issues in the r/s? Let’s set aside her wants for a minute and I’ll ask you what do you want?

Are you done with the r/s?

[warofthegods321]

Thank you, when we got together I had no knowledge of mental health issues since I have simply never experienced that but I was walking on eggshells the whole time thus breaking up and even though it was very noticeable that she was a BPD but later I found out that she was a quiet BPD (self harm, suicidal, hitting herself, rage, and what not. I even did my own research while we were together at the time but I did'nt read enough to understand any of it) only later I did a lot of research on her because it was something out of the world... and unfortunately then it was... too late. I would love to get her back in my life since I know how to do a much better "job" next time around because I feel like a lot in the relationship could have been much better doing that but I also accepted the fact that it probably won't happen. What is r/s?

[Mutt]

Don’t be hard on yourself you’re not a doctor. Even professional midsdiagnose BPD because it overlaps with other disorders and sometimes they diagnose it as BiP ( BiPolar) for insurance  reasons. That being said only a professional can diagnose but what we can look at are BPD traits.

You have a chance now to read up on BPD and that will help you learn about r/‘s ( relationships )

Communication Skills - Don't Be Invalidating

[warofthegods321]

I tried that and it worked wonders, she responded that she liked this much better and it was like santa clause came to town. Validation is more important than anything else in the entire world for her apparently. I'm in general a very validating person but I may perhaps do some invalidation shortly after in the past so that it invalidate the validation. Maybe if I keep this up by just being validating, I can reach to her. I'm in general curious to find out if I keep up this validation it leads to something or if I've digged my grave too hard.