she says she's getting married

[Depression = 72% of members]

ExBPDgf called to tell me she was getting married. I thanked her for the info and hung up. Fairly sleepless night, but only one of them. Maybe tears on way to work a bit.

She wants to be friends, but needs me completely detached -- well, I don't know how to do that fast. It's been a year. I stay attached I form strong attachments. I'm fine without her and I have started dating normal girls.

Anyway, I hate to keep from loving her on her terms but I feel better (at this point) when I don't text/call -- so maybe I choose my own welfare over hers? She has friends/family/boyfriend, I got not so much love in my life.

[Euler2718]

ExBPDgf called to tell me she was getting married. I thanked her for the info and hung up. Fairly sleepless night, but only one of them. Maybe tears on way to work a bit.

She wants to be friends, but needs me completely detached -- well, I don't know how to do that fast. It's been a year. I stay attached I form strong attachments. I'm fine without her and I have started dating normal girls.

Anyway, I hate to keep from loving her on her terms but I feel better (at this point) when I don't text/call -- so maybe I choose my own welfare over hers? She has friends/family/boyfriend, I got not so much love in my life.

[Sandb2015]

Euler2718,

That's tough, I've read through some of you posts in Jan. and you seemed to be moving on or "limbo", "holding pattern", waiting...

Was your rs just a friendship, is that how you both saw it?  Does her getting married mean you can't be in contact or just see each other from time to time?

My question, what is ending exactly to you?

[Mutt]

Hi Eer2718,

She wants to be friends, but needs me completely detached -- well, I don't know how to do that fast. It's been a year. I stay attached I form strong attachments. I'm fine without her and I have started dating normal girls.

That’s a tough thing to hear. I’m sorry. Did she say when she is getting married?

This might  he hard to hear but it could mean that she’s still interested and wants to keep you around. I’m with you I can’t simply just switch off and detach if you have feelings for this girl I’d suggest to go minimum contact or no contact.

I agree with you if your standards are that it takes time to move on there’s nothing wrong with that - don’t get friend zoned. It’s on her terms if you want to take control back don’t give her what she wants find something to distract yourself with.

When you stop paying is when you’re ex will start giving you attention if she still has feelings. What hobbies do you have? Do you work out?

[Lucky Jim]

I feel better (at this point) when I don't text/call -- so maybe I choose my own welfare over hers?

Right, Euler2718, It's time to put yourself first.  Suggest you listen to your gut feelings and do what is right for you.  Those w/BPD are experts at manipulation, so beware of F-O-G (fear, obligation and guilt), which is the three-pronged pitchfork used to control us Nons.  It's OK if the friend zone is not for you.

LJ

[Mutt]

Hi Euler2718,

Do you have an update? How are you holding up?

[Euler2718]

I'm still moving forward with new girls, and minimal contact with the exBPDgf. If she gets married then oh well. I can't grovel or beg it's just not right -- she's the one who wanted to quit (over and over).

I'm also trying just to be ok with being alone if that's how things turn out. I really don't know what's best for me but I've been lonely forever so I will try to find someone but I'm also gonna love myself as much as I can. After all I will never abandon myself.