Hello,
I fear I am about to be dragged through the wringer again. At the beginning of this year my partner ended up in a mental health ward after another suicide effort. To cut to the chase, I went quite insane with worry and eventually she was released, medicated and back with me.
Immediately we began a process of getting some much needed therapy in place. We went to a DBT information evening which my partner was receptive to. We had a few pleasant weeks then she stopped the medication and became unhinged, drank alcohol and ended up in hospital again. There have been two incidents apart from the one in January which saw her spending ten days in the unit. About three weeks ago she disappeared again and I found her the next day in hospital. The police had taken her there because she was laying down in the road again. I spoke to a psychiatrist there and he told me she needed to address the drinking or it would be her undoing.
On friday it was my autistic Son's 18th Birthday. He was very excited about it and wanted me to take him to the beach and to a legal street art wall so he could do some spray painting (I am sure I have the terminology wrong here ). We were gone four hours. When I returned my partner was sitting on the bed in a very dark mood. I mean, we are talking Full Metal Jacket here, when Pyle shoots the drill instructor. I ask how she is feeling and she begins the sarcasm. This escalates rapidly and it is obvious she has been raking through my emails. I find this an intrusion but to be honest, there is nothing in my mind which I have there to be ashamed of or to hide. Try telling her this though.
So from this point on, it all goes to
. She is screaming abuse at me. I am trying to remain calm. My Son starts yelling at her from his bedroom to leave Dad alone. She yells back, calling him "Fat Boy" and a spastic. He yells back, she continues and he bursts into the bedroom waving his fists. At this point I start yelling for him to calm down. I get him out the room and try to divert. I plead with my partner to get into the car and drive somewhere remote with me so we can discuss what is going on. Judging by the smell of her breath, she is quite drunk.
We are leaving the front door and she starts yelling at my Son again. My eldest Son (27) has arrived home and he starts having stern words with my partner. As we quickly leave down the front steps, my youngest Son leans over the railing and spray paints my partners head! As you can imagine, things just get worse from this point. The fight has moved into the street. I have my partner running down the road screaming, my eldest Son holding his brother back, and me getting into the car to follow my partner. After much screaming I managed to get her into the car and I drove to a beach. It was about 10pm at this point.
After looking at the stars for an hour, we drove back to town, grabbed the camping gear and went to a campsite in the forest. The next day we woke up and I tried to look at the options with her. I agreed that this just wasn't working with my kids and her and suggested that we find a place for us away from this house. As we would need time to put this in place, I told her we may have to go back to the house Saturday night and get a plan sorted. I spoke to my kids and told them that no matter what goes on, this physical abuse must not happen again.
Last night was relatively calm. We watched some garbage on Youtube and fell asleep. This morning she was not talking to me much. Then she disappeared when I was washing some clothes. Her sister rang and I told her what was going on. I actually had a reasonable discussion with her and arranged for her to have my partner up there for a while... if she showed up. Well, she did. She rang her sister back and I ended up driving her the 200km each way to her sister's place. The journey was a nightmare. She tried to do a runner on me in the middle of nowhere at a truck stop. Then she tried to bail out the car on the highway. She yelled at me 2" from my ear the entire trip, punctuated with moments of silence. When we got to her destination, she slammed the car door shut and told me to
off and not to contact her ever again.
10.49pm here now. No dramas. I haven't emailed her and I don't think I will. In January when she was in this state, I had no idea where she was. I felt myself going insane with worry. The anxiety was too much! This time I know where she is. I need some respite. When I spoke to her sister today I told her that things will probably turn to
, and when they do, please urge her to get to the mental health unit. This time I hope it will be for a long stay. She needs a rehab in my opinion, for at least a year. I am sure this is not the last of this.
Thanks for listening. Advice appreciated.
