Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
February 26, 2020, 11:38:06 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: FaithHopeLove, Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
Ambassadors: Enabler, Forgiveness, formflier, GaGrl,  khibomsis , Longterm, Ozzie101, pursuingJoy, Swimmy55, zachira
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: not sure what love is supposed to feel like  (Read 234 times)
Euler2718
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 194


« on: April 13, 2019, 07:44:59 AM »

2yrs since BPDxgf left. Still very limited contact. Anyway, I've been dating a normal girl, she says she loves me and we had sex last week for the first time. I don't feel love (or maybe I do), but sometimes I feel like I do. During sex I'm not sure how I felt, it's just weird. I tell her I cherish her sometimes. Its a problem, not knowing who I am or how I feel. So far she has been patient. The ex needed to feel so completely loved everything was a potential fight.

Anyway, I don't know what I'm doing very well. It's not cause of the BPD relationships, it's more like I'm at a distance and always have been.

Also -- I am in therapy. Things happen quicker than I can mature though.
Logged
itsmeSnap
Ambassador
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 453


"Tree of the young brave king"


« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2019, 11:57:30 PM »

Hey man

I'm kind of in a similar camp, been dating someone I thought I was not really attracted to at first.

No sex yet, but I'm having similar feelings like you describe, I like her but I'm not sure, and yet I keep moving forward, so I'm starting to let myself believe I really do like her but I'm having "intimacy calibration" issues from the intensity of having previously dated a BPD.

Excerpt
it's more like I'm at a distance and always have been.
I just told her I need time, that I might be "seemingly cold" while I process things, that its not a rejection. She understood, she's giving me space. it's quite comfortable, I feel at ease, I know she likes me a lot, I'm still not sure, and yet we're both ok with it.

Last time (BPD gf) was pretty much the opposite. at least I'm being open and honest, if things don't work out then so be it, and if they do, only time will tell I guess.

Excerpt
Things happen quicker than I can mature though
Don't feel bad or be afraid to press the brakes, she'll understand. And if she doesn't, then maybe it really wasn't quite right, what do you think?
Logged

Not all those who wander are lost
Euler2718
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 194


« Reply #2 on: April 14, 2019, 08:20:32 AM »

I'm still going forward. I don't pretend to love more than I do. I don't know about all this searching for passion; it's just a drug that stops working maybe. Yesterday I took the new girl to mini golf and coffee and I bought her clothes (I told her she was dressed like a nun, it was only about $30 worth of clothes). I haven't committed yet, I don't know when or if I'm supposed to do that since I will discuss with my therapist before doing that.
Logged
Turkish
Senior Ambassador
*
Online Online

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
What is your relationship status with them: "Divorced"/abandoned in Feb 2013.
Posts: 10630


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2019, 09:54:38 PM »

I'm still going forward. I don't pretend to love more than I do. I don't know about all this searching for passion; it's just a drug that stops working maybe. Yesterday I took the new girl to mini golf and coffee and I bought her clothes (I told her she was dressed like a nun, it was only about $30 worth of clothes). I haven't committed yet, I don't know when or if I'm supposed to do that since I will discuss with my therapist before doing that.

How did she respond to that?
Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Euler2718
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 194


« Reply #4 on: April 15, 2019, 11:04:26 AM »

Fine. We laugh a lot. She suggested I buy her replacement clothes so I spent $30 on some new clothes at the mall. No problem, everyone was happy!
Logged
Turkish
Senior Ambassador
*
Online Online

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
What is your relationship status with them: "Divorced"/abandoned in Feb 2013.
Posts: 10630


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2019, 11:06:10 AM »

Sounds like a comfortable shared sense of humor.
Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
itsmeSnap
Ambassador
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 453


"Tree of the young brave king"


« Reply #6 on: April 17, 2019, 12:56:47 PM »

Excerpt
I don't know when or if I'm supposed to do
Very few people enter a dating situation with the intent of marrying the person from the start.

Dating is precisely that, figuring out if you like each other enough for feelings of love to develop. And if not, well then you'll know, no sense staying (or trying to keep them with you) with someone you don't love.
Logged

Not all those who wander are lost
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2020?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2020 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
40days_in_desert
alphabeta
AskingWhy
Avanzando
Beneck
bigredneck
Bittlecat
Boll Weevil
Cat Familiar
Chosen
Dnmtnbkr
drained1996
Eggshellsbroken
Forgiveness
ggGreg
gotbushels
Harri
Imatter33
Jazzy48
jones54
Katrinalove
Longterm
lucidone
Manifest32f
Methuen
mgirl
Minttea
Mutt
narcdaughter2
Notgoneyet
oceanheart
oftentimes
Omega1
Only Human
PeacefulMom
pest947
podsnapG
ProudDad12
pursuingJoy
Radcliff
Resiliant
Rev
Rosheger
SamwizeGamgee
Sandalwood
SCM
SerendipityChild
SES
Skip
StillStuck
Teno
truthbeknown
Ventak
vinnie77
wendydarling
whirlpoollife
Wicker Man
WindofChange
worn_out

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!