Not sure what more I can do

[Bern7472]

Hi everyone

I'm in s relationship with a person who has borderline personality disorder and narcissistic PD.
It's been 2 years and the hardest 2 years of my life ..
When he is good he's good but when he's not watch out he has this way of makig me feel like crap for no reason but he seems to make an issue out of nothing and blaming me and  making me feel like I did something wrong. when hes in his bad mood he wont talk to me  doesn't want to be around me so he goes to work even on weekends.. doesn't matter how hard I  try to not do anything to piss him off he finds something and if it's in the past he'll still punish me for it.
I put an Avo out on him couple of months ago he was even charged with DV we can now have contact.. he is more abusive psychologicaly than physical he pushed me to the ground helped me up gave me an ice pack and left, this went on all weekend he came back home and drank beer all day getting angrier and angrier.. he then called me so many bad names yelling at me he got up out of the chair and pushed me away around my throat.
He was so ashamed when he was charged wrote me a letter telling me that he was sorry .
That lasted a while. We go to court next month for the charges and I have to testify against him.. He now blames me for all of it.. it was my fault what happened thats so hard to take ..
Does it ever get better.. I wish I didn't love him
However I now think it's time to get my life back which I know is not going to be any easy step.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Enabler]

Hey Bern7472,

I'm super sorry you went through this experience. By the sounds of things you have taken a stand  against behaviour that was unacceptable to you. When you give evidence in court I applaud you to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Speak clearly so as not embellishing nor minimising your experiences. Allow other to make the decision as to whether or not his behaviour was in contravention of the law.

It's not uncommon to still love someone who did things which were harmful to us. Things are often complicated, I guess it's like boiling a frog. Nastiness is mixed with extreme kindness, often relationships with people with emotional control disorders are exhilarating and many people claim to have met their soul mate... only to find they've actually met their cell mate. Please spend some time sifting through the parts of this relationship questioning what it was that got to you about him, and what it was about the relationship that kept you in it after he'd been off with you.

Do you speak with him often, you mentioned you can now have contact again. Is this something you want?

Enabler