Ok I need someone to tell me what is happening

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

It's been two weeks with absolute no contact between my ex and I, and I was just starting to feel a sense of some normalcy paired with a few bad days here and there.This morning I woke up, got dressed etc, and took a glance at my phone. My ex texted me saying "hey" and tried to call me. I ignored it for a half hour or so, then she text me again asking if we could talk for a minute, I ignored it again. Finally she texted me a third time saying that she just needed to tell me something, so I replied "what's up." She then proceeded to call me, so of course me being irrational, I answered it. She told me that she got really high because of 4/20 and ended up cracking her chin open having to get eleven stitches. Of course I asked if she was alright and she told me she doesn't know. She warned me not to smoke any pot because apparently around where I live their s problem with it being laced at the moment. I thanked her for letting me know then I hung up. The whole thing about this situation is, why does she want to text me? The last conversation I had with her went like this.

I asked if she wanted to remain friends. Her response: "no not really."

So can someone explain to me what this meant today? Was this just a "friendly" gesture or was she simply looking for attention?

[Hiscaru]

It's been two weeks with absolute no contact between my ex and I, and I was just starting to feel a sense of some normalcy paired with a few bad days here and there.This morning I woke up, got dressed etc, and took a glance at my phone. My ex texted me saying "hey" and tried to call me. I ignored it for a half hour or so, then she text me again asking if we could talk for a minute, I ignored it again. Finally she texted me a third time saying that she just needed to tell me something, so I replied "what's up." She then proceeded to call me, so of course me being irrational, I answered it. She told me that she got really high because of 4/20 and ended up cracking her chin open having to get eleven stitches. Of course I asked if she was alright and she told me she doesn't know. She warned me not to smoke any pot because apparently around where I live their s problem with it being laced at the moment. I thanked her for letting me know then I hung up. The whole thing about this situation is, why does she want to text me? The last conversation I had with her went like this.

I asked if she wanted to remain friends. Her response: "no not really."

So can someone explain to me what this meant today? Was this just a "friendly" gesture or was she simply looking for attention?

[Mutt]

Hi Hiscaru,

I’m sorry that you’re going through a difficult time. These r/s breakups with a pwBPD are very hard. If I were in your shoes i would take that as her putting her feelers out bit what counts is what you want and you want to do.

When you asked her if you were still friends I interpret that as still wanting a r/s of sorts that would put you in the friendzone.

What if after a period of NC she asked you that she wants to be friends?

[Hiscaru]

I guess I'm just confused as to why she would even have the nerve to contact me. It was clear last time we talked that she wanted nothing to do with me at all, so why now? Regardless of what the circumstance is, I interpret her contacting me as something more then just giving me a heads up. Do you think she did this just because she wanted to look our for me, or do you think she wanted attention and wanted to hear from me?

[Mutt]

I guess I'm just confused as to why she would even have the nerve to contact me.

I think about this.

If you look at the DSM criteria one of the criterion is chaotic interpersonal r/s’s.

That has a lot of meanings and we can all share a lot of stories here about how chaotic our lives were. When I think about interpersonal r/s’s and a pwBPD poor r/s skills come to mind, for example not knowing how to repair a r/s or having so many emotional and mental issues that they interfere with daily functioning and r/s’s skills.

A big part of r/s’s is empathy and low to very low empathy because you’re emotions are cranked 2000 fold, constantly  scanning for perceived or real rejection, extreme and constant internal critical and negative thinking towards the self, anger, depression and anxiety some or all of theses things going on at the same time is going to take space where there is very little space for putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and try to see and tell what their perspective is like.

You could have a row for example with a pwBPD and they don’t to repair the r/s, it leaves you confused, hurt, resentful and frustrated.

I can’t tell you what she was thinking but reading your post I know that she doesn’t have good interpersonal skills.

[JNChell]

Hi, Hiscaru. Along with Mutt, I’m sorry that you’re feeling confused over what your ex is doing. I also agree with him. It sounds like she’s simply testing the water to see where you are. It’s pretty common for pwBPD to keep tabs on and basically maintain a supply chain. It’s not always like this, but it is common. How are you feeling after this exchange? Do you think that you staying in contact with her is something that you want?

[Hiscaru]

I don't necessarily care if she has my number and wants to text me every now and then, I'm not expecting to and don't want to get back together with her.

She did what she did (cheated on me) and now I'm done with her. I gave her a chance to come back, told her we would work things out, she didn't take it. Which is perfectly fine with me and honestly probably better. What I was trying to get at with this post is that I just think it's awkward that she would call me and text me out of the blue after she clearly told me she wanted nothing to do with me.

I mean I guess it was a pretty serious reason to contact me, but regardless of the reason I feel like it was kinda of out of the blue and not really necessary. She knows what she said, she knows what she did, the only contact she wants from me I guess is when she initiates it.

[Mutt]

I don't necessarily care if she has my number and wants to text me every now and then, I'm not expecting to and don't want to get back together with her.

We’re just trying to help.

It's been two weeks with absolute no contact between my ex and I, and I was just starting to feel a sense of some normalcy paired with a few bad days here and there.

It felt better when she wasn’t talking to you. You’re asking online if anyone knows what she was thinking. The point of NC is to get to a point where you don’t care about why she contacted you because you’re detached.

[once removed]

this is a bit of speculation on my part, so take what i say with that in mind.

weve talked about the possible shame surrounding the cheating. the difficulty in facing that shame. how it might be easier in her mind to start "fresh".

the two of you have a long history though. it is likely that on some conscious level, she very much does not want you to hate her, or think badly of her. she would prefer not to think badly of herself either.

being on good terms with you would alleviate some of those fears and feelings. if youre okay with her, she can feel okay.

its much easier to test the waters than to have a long conversation with you, or to make a long and drawn out apology.

she probably didnt put that much thought into it of course, but it could be a low risk entry point to gauge how you might feel about her.