Hello again I'm back lol

[Depression = 72% of members]

 

My undiagnosed BPDexgf and I have been coparenting for the past 3-4 years,I got into another relationship which has broke down (my choice).My exBPD has possibly had 4 or 5 sexual encounters/partners since she left me,split me black etc etc but just recently we ended up kissing and declaring our love for each other and then ended up sleeping together.The very next day after sleeping together and telling me she loves me she texts me saying shes sorry she thought she could handle this,and sorry but she can't do this.Straight away I have backed off but then I find out shes been messaging some other guy.She has been attending counselling sessions and has even asked me to attend her next session.
Does anybody think there is any hope for us or am I fighting a lost cause?.Ps I am much stronger than years ago after she cruelly left me so I can handle the rejection

[DestroyedKnight]

 

My undiagnosed BPDexgf and I have been coparenting for the past 3-4 years,I got into another relationship which has broke down (my choice).My exBPD has possibly had 4 or 5 sexual encounters/partners since she left me,split me black etc etc but just recently we ended up kissing and declaring our love for each other and then ended up sleeping together.The very next day after sleeping together and telling me she loves me she texts me saying shes sorry she thought she could handle this,and sorry but she can't do this.Straight away I have backed off but then I find out shes been messaging some other guy.She has been attending counselling sessions and has even asked me to attend her next session.
Does anybody think there is any hope for us or am I fighting a lost cause?.Ps I am much stronger than years ago after she cruelly left me so I can handle the rejection

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi.  I am glad you came back to us for support. 

This is painful stuff here.  I am not sure if there is hope for a relationship at this point. It is hard to tell.

 I do think you are smart to back off and not pursue her, let her come to you and in the meantime you can do some work here to help you decide what *you* want.

So, that said, what do you hope for?

[DestroyedKnight]

Feels very strange being back here.I got to a stage in proceedings where I no longer felt the urge to write about my past and took massive leaps in my future.However I have now taken what feels like massive leaps back .I suppose the answer to your question is I really want her to continue the help she is receiving and live her life with myself and our children but in the meantime I have told her in no uncertain terms that I will not be a doormat whilst she swans off with anyone she may desire.I hope she understands how much I love her but I have to protect myself and my children in the process

[Harri]

Hi DK. 

It is great to hear that you have improved things for yourself so much!

Healing, recovery, whatever you call it, is not linear that's for sure.  I find that even when I feel like i have fallen back, I am still ahead of where I was the last time I was there (does that even make sense? ) 

I suppose the answer to your question is I really want her to continue the help she is receiving and live her life with myself and our children but in the meantime I have told her in no uncertain terms that I will not be a doormat whilst she swans off with anyone she may desire.I hope she understands how much I love her but I have to protect myself and my children in the process

  This sounds right to me.  You do have to protect you and your kids.  You can learn to communicate boundaries without being a doormat while also learning how to consider your wife's needs and sensitivities as well.  I am not saying this will fix your relationship but the tools we offer here can help a great deal especially because you have contact due to your children.

Have you ever read the following workshop we have? The Do's and Don'ts of a BPD Relationship It helps you see what it takes to have a relationship with someone with BPD and gives a glimpse of what you will have to do in terms of any changes you might have to make.