Will I always walk away from my efforts of showing love with an empty heart?

[Lost in Roanoke]

Hello!  I need to reach out for guidance and information so I can do my part to figure out whats best for myself in this emptiness I live in. No one in my family can relate. I didnt know what BPD was until a few months ago. Once I read a little about it, it was as if someone had been watching my life thru my own eyes and was telling me that I wasnt alone. Fast forward to now and the way I feel about it and what Ive learned since is very bleak and very concerning. So much so that I feel like theres little hope and I feel as if my relationship is already over we're just waiting on tbe other one to tell us so. My story is long and I'm not even sure what to write on here. I just feel like I've done so much over the past 2 years I've known my girlfriend only to find myself currently almost begging her to believe in me and wanting her so badly to realize that I love her beyond belief. The more I try the worse I feel because it falls on deaf ears and roller coaster emotions. How do I stay sane when the very things that used to make her happy or portrayed as if they could've been better this time? Why am I questioning myself when I know what I'm doing would be good enough to most people but isn't even acknowledge most of the time. I want so badly for her to know what I feel inside. I want so badly to understand where she's coming from. I want to know why she is hurting so much and how I can help ease her pain. I'm currently reading Mrs. Kreger's new book " The Essential Family Guide to BPD" and while it speaks to me in ways that I didn't know others could relate, it also breaks my heart in that I may never get to have the experience of true love with the person I am truly in love with. That's a living tragedy to me. One that has made me question everything about myself, my beliefs, my intentions and my morals. All the while knowing that I'm a good person with good intentions yet feeling like I'm the exact opposite. I'm scared. Please help. I know the background story will help but I'm tired right now. Thank u 4 ur time!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Panda39]

Hi Lost in Roanoke,

I just wanted to briefly pop in and say welcome 

It sounds like you have recently discovered BPD and the knowledge is overwhelming. Many of us here have felt much the same.  But I want to encourage you to continue posting and reading, everyone here has someone in our lives with BPD/BPD Traits and there is hope, tools, information and support to be found here.

I hope when you are feeling up to it you will share more of your story.  How long have you been with your girlfriend?  Can you share what kinds of behaviors you have been seeing?  Is there a particular thing you are struggling with most?

Hang in There,
Panda39