Hi Jack,
Welcome to the site
Can you tell us a little bit more about what you have been experiencing? We all have folks with BPD/BPD Traits in our lives, but everyone is an individual so their are variations in the types of behaviors you might see.
The person in my life is my Significant Other's (SO's) undiagnosed BPD ex-wife (uBPDxw). In her case there seems to be a focus on money, appearances, and her (real & imagined) health issues. For someone else it could be addiction, or cheating, or issues with work etc. But typically we see similar dysfunctional behaviors...if you spend sometime here it is amazing how similar our stories can sound.
None of us can diagnose someone with BPD but what we can do is learn and teach each other tools that can be helpful not just with someone with BPD but tools that are helpful in all of our relationships. So even if your wife doesn't fit the BPD mold exactly I'm sure you will find tools, ideas and support here that will be helpful to you.
I hope to hear more of your story.
Take Care,
Panda39