How to support my BPD - drug addicted son in rehab

[FaithHopeLove]

My DS25wBPD and a drug problem will soon be discharged from the hospital psych ward where he has been following a suicide attempt and taken to a rehab facility. This place uses a combination of Cognitive Behavioral and Rational Emotive Therapy. My focus now is on supporting his recovery. Who has advice for me about how best to do ?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Faith

Just had a quick google, I've not come across RET. It looks very interesting indeed!

A fundamental premise of REBT is humans do not get emotionally disturbed by unfortunate circumstances, but by how they construct their views of these circumstances through their language, evaluative beliefs, meanings and philosophies about the world, themselves and others

My focus now is on supporting his recovery. Who has advice for me about how best to do ?

What do you think, feel your son is looking from you, put yourself in his shoes. You know him and your dynamics best! My DD spent two separate months in a Women's Crisis Home. First time, she welcomed my visits, needed assurance. Second time 10 months later she said she'd let me know when to visit, I visited twice. I've learnt to wait and read what she needs from me, she knows I've got her.

Here's our workshop, helped me understand the context of my situation, my touchstone.
9.01| Supporting a Child in Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder

How are your visits going?

WDx

[wendydarling]

One supportive gift was to pay for her cabs to therapy, she'd given up work to focus on DBT and I recognised there was no way she'd make it on public transport. DD was very, has been very grateful. For me it's all about getting on the same page. Some journey, for sure. It is doable x

Have faith, hope and love 

[FaithHopeLove]

Thanks for the link WD. What stands out the most for me is the recommendation that we not got too enthusiastic about their progress because it can lead to fears of abandonment. That is completely counterintuitive but it makes sense
 I think my mantra will be "one step at a time." My last visit with my son went quite well. He asked me to visit and bring pizza and was appreciative that I did. We kept the conversation light. I didn't bring up the subject of rehab. He did. Hopefully he will be transferred to the rehab facility tomorrow. It is about a two hour drive from us. We will see what their visiting policies are and go from there. Onward.

[PeaceMom]

Hi Faith,
We’ve been thru many rehabs w/DS 24 w/BiPolar and a self medicating problem. We’ve learned to be very mindful and live in the moment. Groundedness is a bit of a zen concept but it imparts your confidence to him in the situation. I’ve found my son’s bravery is a direct result of my own stability. If I’m shaky and unsure, he WILL pick up on that. These short rehabs can break some bad habits and instill new healthy habits but the hardest steps are after the 30 days. I agree with not getting too excited. We did this the first timeDS went to an amazing program, Menninger Clinic. What we didn’t think thru was a viable aftercare plan. My son was younger and still very much dependent on our input. We should have mandated a firm plan with weekly therapy, N.A. Meetings and Psych appts. We are a bit wiser 4 years later. Hope some of this is useful to you

[FaithHopeLove]

Thanks Peace mom
That is quite helpful
 I have been practicing mindfulness and staying in the moment. I will think about the later plan later
Hugs
Faith

[wendydarling]

What stands out the most for me is the recommendation that we not got too enthusiastic about their progress because it can lead to fears of abandonment. That is completely counterintuitive but it makes sense

Absolutely Faith. A pizza request is connecting.  

I’ve found my son’s bravery is a direct result of my own stability. If I’m shaky and unsure, he WILL pick up on that.

 So true Peacemom.

Aftercare, ongoing care, direction is me. DD is out of crisis, we can do this Faith, all together, our very best.  

Small loving steps.

WDx

[livednlearned]

There was a lovely member here a few years ago, Rapt Reader, who documented her son's recovery w/ dual-diagnosis: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=202562.0

It looks like some of the links have broken but perhaps reaching out to the admins you might be able to find where things have been moved to.

 

[FaithHopeLove]

Thanks LAL
That is helpful and gives me hope that things may turn around for my son too. Imagine
 Just last week I was planning his funeral and googling suicide bereavement groups. Now I am thinking about his future.

[Kwamina]

Yes what a difference a week makes

Hope has risen like a phoenix!