Hi Unsure.
Getting a note and on fathers day ... Ouch. that hurts. What was your hope when you asked her to leave?
Do you think this was more of her black self trying to control me like she has been so good at doing for 37 years - or could this be her way of saying I know I have a problem and I need to stay away from you.
It is hard to say for sure what is motivating her. There are lots of options in between the 2 you offer here. You know her best.
If this childhood abuse destroyed her - why would she go back to her mother and sister and live with them in the grandparents household?. Obviously they didn't prevent the abuse in childhood, which probably happened in VT.
I'm obsessed with finding out Who did this too her - maybe never will - probably
Was she abused? I am not clear on that from reading your posts. Some people with BPD or BPD traits have a history of childhood abuse and others do not. About 60% of cases have a genetic link.
If she does have unresolved childhood trauma it is not uncommon for there still to be emotional ties to the abusers and a pull towards people and places who were there.
You mentioned your own abuse as a child and I am so sorry to hear your experienced that. How are you doing with processing all of that? What sort of support do you have, other than here that is?
How can we help you?