Might be some light at the end of the tunnel FINALLY

[Perdita]

Well, I can hardly believe my own news.  He finally reached the point where he made an appointment with a different GP.  He's been having horrible nightmares almost every night and wakes up angry/upset/scared/confused ... you name it.  Wide range of emotions.  His morning anxiety has gotten much much worse as well.  Earlier this week he couldn't take it anymore and made the appointment. 

Thank goodness that this GP has some common sense!  He listened to him (I wasn't present, S/O told afterwards), asked about his medications and how long he has been on each of them.  Currently 3 types.  He takes all three in the morning and then one of them again in the afternoon.  The GP told him that he knows which is causing the problem and that he should have been using it for mere months not several years!  This is the one he takes 2x per day at that.  I am so glad that this new GP has done what I have been begging S/O to do for years.  He has referred him to a psychiatrist.  He told him that it would be too dangerous for him to try and sort out his medication and that only a psychiatrist is truly qualified to do so.   He is now on the emergency list with that psychiatrist and we hope he sees him by next week.  I am so glad that finally he will be seeing someone that can help find the right cocktail of medication for him.  I know it doesn't solve his problems, but it is sure going to help put him on the right track once his severe mood swings and anxiety gets under control.

Further progress is that his mother reached out to me the day before he went to see the GP.  She told me that she is worried sick about him.  Mind you, my experience with all his family and friends up until now is that I am not well in the head and just trying to cause trouble whenever I have been brave enough (it really takes guts!) to reach out to any of them for help.  Now finally someone very close has been the one to reach out to me.  She even told me that she suspects her son might be bipolar because she has witnessed far too many mood swings over the years. 

He is not aware that we spoke as this is something that will only cause problems and he will get paranoid.  So for now it stays between us.  I informed her that I have been living with his severe mood swings, depression and emotional abuse for years.  She was shocked but said that she has seen enough herself to know it's the truth and that she lived through some similar things with his father during their marriage.  She spoke quite a bit about his childhood and the trauma of divorce on him.  Without me having to say it she told me that she wishes he can get an referral to a psychiatrist, because GP's and psychologists don't understand his medication well enough.  He has often over the years threatened suicide to me.  His mom told me that he talks about "wanting to just die" to her as well and that it first began when he was 14!  I informed her that I have reached out to other family members in the past, but was ignored and that they ran to him about it and he really let me have it.  Her response to this was that she too had spoken to one of his siblings about his suicidal tendencies and was told not to worry because (get this one) "if he is serious about it he won't be talking about it, he'll just do it".  Fortunately she disagrees with that.

We will see how it goes at the psychiatrist.  At least this is a step forward and gives me hope!  Once his medication has been sorted out we can take it one step at a time from there.  I have noticed that since he got the referral he as been in a better mood.  I think he knows some answers are coming his way soon and that this is a huge burden off his shoulders - not to mention mine.  Six plus years of me begging, but finally this step is about to be taken!

[Enabler]

The light is starting to shine on him. I think you handled both things very well especially his mother. She's come to the conclusion herself and you can now sew seeds where appropriate and enhance that enlightenment. Since she mentioned BP it wouldn't be weird of you to suggest that you have investigated her suggestion but stumbled upon BPD. She may well do some research herself... or you could 'help' her do that research and find a good clear concise description that might give her a clearer picture. I think the softly softly approach of educating her and educating her that the great revelation to her son is unlikely to be received well.

Having a source of trauma gives a far far clearer picture. Having a inter-generational link is even more powerful.

Keep up the good work.

Enabler 

[Cat Familiar]

I want to echo Enabler and say that you handled the discussion with his mother very well. 

Learning what she shared about the origins of his issues must feel very validating to you. Likely that his siblings might also be somewhat affected too.

My first husband’s mother was one of the kindest, most supportive people I’ve ever known. She had married young (to get away from overly controlling parents) and unfortunately chose a charismatic man who was mentally unstable and violent. All her children have major issues: oldest daughter is violent and psychotic; middle daughter is an extreme hoarder; son (my ex) is ASPD/NPD/BPD. Out of all the grandchildren, only two seem like healthy well adjusted individuals.

[AskingWhy]

Perdita, you might want to look at this page and see if it fits your H.

A light might go on in the symptoms.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=122720.0