New to BPD

[magpies]

My goodness, this is a whole new world full of confusion, hurt, self questioning and heartache.  My daughter to whom I have until the last 10 months had a close and beautiful relationship is now someone I feel I no longer know or understand.  She has gone from being a loving, happy, respectful, smiling teenager to someone who displays depression, anger, total disrespect, dishonesty and manipulation.  She is verbally abusive, shows no accountability, empathy or remorse.  She is out of control behaviourally and has also developed an eating disorder.  She has lost her interest in hygiene, won't shower regularly, sleeps in her clothes and her room and our house are in total disarray; she has no concern for any of the above.  She is failing school and rarely attends.  Some of these concerns were there earlier i.e hygience issues, (although she always looks good from the outside), lack of concentration etc., however, she still appeared to lead a healthy, happy life.  Since she commenced her first relationship which has been a disaster, everything has spiralled out of control.  This is the hardest and most heart wrenching thing I have ever had to deal with.  I love my daughter unconditionally but I am struggling to save her from herself.  She has been attending our GP and I have organised a Psychiratrist (her second visit tomorrow which she is at this point refusing to attend).  When she has received counselling prior to this with a pyschologist, she has been very manipulative.  I have also taken her to Headspace prior; however, this did not appear to help. She has acknowledged she cannot control her thoughts or behaviour and when it suits her she is open to help; however,  her social life is her priority.  Her behaviour changes regularly and she is pale, thin and dispondent.  I  will continue to seek all the help I can for her but I feel like I'm on a horrific merry go round without a days peace.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Magpies and welcome to the group. I am glad you found us. You are not the only one who finds having a child with BPD to be overwhelming. We all do. The reality is we can't change them. They have to do that themselves. But the good news is we can change our selves in ways thar help our relationship with them and give us some much needed peace. You have already taken the first big step in reaching out. This is a great place to find help and support ans reliable information. The best place to start is by clicking on the link at the top of this page that says 'How to get the most out of this site.' Is there something in particular you are curious about? We can help you find the information you need. We can also offer tons of support from parents who really get it. What else are you comfortable telling us about your daughter? Has she been officially diagnosed with BPD? We are here for you.
Hugs
Faith

[StressedOutDaily]

Hi Magpies...so sorry you are here, but you are not alone.  I could have written your post...we are going through the same thing with our daughter who is 16.  The people on this forum understand,  will listen, will offer advise and it is great to know that you are not alone. 

Sending you a ((hug)
~SOD

[Rosheger]

Welcome Magpies!  I too am new to this group.  I can so relate to your daughter changing what seemed like overnight.  I remember so clearly when my daughter was in her teens (she is 37 now) talking to me in a way I had never been talked to - mean, rude, disrespectful, insulting, berating, etc...  I was in complete shock and remained that way for a long time - frozen - fearful of what she might say next - "walking on eggshells".  I didn't know anything about BPD then.  So grateful I do now!  There is wonderful support here.  Rosheger

[magpies]

Thank you for your kind and supportive replies.  It is comforting to know I'm not alone in this, although, I wouldn't wish this on any parent.  So true the comment "they have to help themselves".  It took some time for me to realise I was enabling my daughter, trying to always save her and pick her up everytime she falls, only to be  blamed for everything and her not having consequences for her behaviour.  I'm getting better at not buying into the BPD.  She has been diagnosed with BPD by a psychologist who has dealt with BPD; however, her psychiratrist seems relunctant to give a diagnosis given she has only seen her twice.  It worries me because she is so manipulative and comes across as a sweet, well adjusted teenager when she attends the meetings, the only thing she fails to hide is her depression and disinterest.  She has been recently been prescribed an anti depressant and also seroquel.  She has alienated herself from long term friends and has become a bit of a chameleon; appearing to change her behaviour depending on who she spends time with.  I'm hoping the medication and counselling with help her.  She is failing school, Year 12, due to not attending and is demotivated; having no real interest in her future.  Her interest and motivation is for her social life only. 

[PeaceMom]

Magpies,
I have a little experience with failing school late in the game. My DD19 was always a decent student until about jr yr. Things just became too much-social media, friends, boys, drinking... after Christmas break she refused to go back to the district where she’s been since age 5. I immediately inquired about the alternative school (which I had always thought was for kids w/criminal issues, but I was wrong). She started spring of Jr yr. finished all jr and all Sr. Classes and graduated that May. Early graduation hasn’t really helped her, but it was an accomplishment and things were not going to improve at the regular HS. Do you have any alternative options?

[livednlearned]

Have you read Blaise Aguirre's BPD in Adolescence? He's a leading researcher on BPD in teens and has some good youtube talks that might be helpful.

I believe Aguirre (or Gunderson?) has commented that BPD seems to peak around age 16, altho I'm not sure if that refers to self-harm behavior, emotional dysregulation, or other traits.

[magpies]

I think I deleted responses to my first post.  Thank you for your kind responses,  17 year old daughter out again till all hours, 5th time this week.  She sends texts lying about where she is and who she's with.  She has no concern for anyone.  She is not eating, not attending school, here we go round and round in circles.  Abusing me, twisting the truth, master of manipulation and blaming me for everything. I feel helpless. I feel like I can't help her.  I've forgotten what it's like to have peace and not be sick with worry.  She is a chameleon and changes her behaviour depending on who she's with.  This is a nightmare.

[Longterm]

I think I deleted responses to my first post.  Thank you for your kind responses,  17 year old daughter out again till all hours, 5th time this week.  She sends texts lying about where she is and who she's with.  She has no concern for anyone.  She is not eating, not attending school, here we go round and round in circles.  Abusing me, twisting the truth, master of manipulation and blaming me for everything. I feel helpless. I feel like I can't help her.  I've forgotten what it's like to have peace and not be sick with worry.  She is a chameleon and changes her behaviour depending on who she's with.  This is a nightmare.

Hi magpies and Welcome.

You cant help her, she has to help herself and thats unfortunately the reality of this. Every parent here cares, just like you. You are in a good group, feel free to express your concerns and feelings.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=114267.0

LT.