Sexual Compulsion/Acting Out

[Kt216]

Hello all.  This is my first post here, and I hope that I am writing on the right board.

I’ve been married to my husband for nearly 8 years.  We have 2 young children together.  It always seemed like he had an anger problem, but it escalated in the last 3.5 years to the point where I was starting to question my sanity...

In the last 2 months, it has come to light that he has been engaging in numerous sexual affairs, beginning before we ever got married - some of them were with people he actually knew, some of them were with strangers, and some were with prostitutes.  He also engaged in numerous inappropriate internet relationships.  I had no idea that this was going on.

He was diagnosed with BPD in May.  I understand that impulsive sexual behavior/sexual acting out is one of the DSM V criteria for BPD, but I have found very little information about this specific issue online.  Have any other partners of those with BPD experienced this?  I feel alone and ashamed of what has happened, and I am working through my emotions in therapy. 

Things are extremely complicated right now.  I just had a baby a week after finding out about the infidelity and the BPD diagnosis.  I would say I’m in “limbo” right about about whether to continue the marriage. 

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[GaGrl]

This was very much at the root of personality disorder issues with my husband and his ex-wife -- and it very much affected their family.

Shortly after becoming involved with his ex, he contracted herpes from her. So he knew there was sexual activity before him -- and that was OK -- but it is then a life-long medical condition.

His ex was faithful in the marriage for about 18 months. After that, she blatantly engaged in affairs. It was a difficult marriage. We are 90% sure his son is not biologically his.

What level of infidelity are you dealing with? If exposed, is it a marriage- breaker?

[AND-01]

Hi, sorry to hear the situation you are in. I am in a similar situation but, apologies for the short response as battery about to go, cheating is a choice and not a symptom of BPD. If someone were single the impulse for risky sex would apply.