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Skills we were never taught
98
A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
Communication Skills-
Don't Be Invalidating
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Setting Boundaries
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Author Topic: Do you ever wish you’d never had your BPD son or daughter?  (Read 247 times)
Tkeight

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Person in your life: Child
Posts: 3


« on: August 10, 2019, 09:54:34 PM »

She’s an adult and I feel like trying to be a good mom was all a waste.
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Huat
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Person in your life: Child
Posts: 449


« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2019, 11:29:21 PM »

Hello there Tkeight  Welcome new member (click to insert in post)

Your trying to be a good Mom was not a waste of time.  I'm sure you, like me, tried the best you could....when you knew better, you did better.....and you will continue to do so.  What more can be asked of anyone?

All of us here are battle-scarred and there are days when we are just plain worn out from all the drama that surrounds these different children of ours.

Hope you will tell us more of your story....as much or as little that you feel comfortable in telling.  Sometimes just the telling lifts a bit of the weight.  Know that you are not alone in your feelings.... and don't be afraid to share what they are.  Heads will nod when your posts are read. 

((((HUGS)))) from one Mom to another. 

Huat
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FaithHopeLove
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Person in your life: Child
Posts: 1203



« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2019, 03:14:11 AM »

Hi TKeight
I am happy to meet you and glad you found us. Welcome to the group. I could have written your post. In fact I have expressed that same feeling  here. But our children are here and we love them. Everyone posting here including you now are good, loving parents. Otherwise we wouldn't be here. Unlike "normal" kids ours don't always reward our efforts with appreciation and good behavior. They can't. That does not mean we failed. Somewhere in there your good mothering has made a difference. As you learn more about BPD your parenting skills will get even better. You will help your child and we will all walk with you every step of the way.
Hugs
Faith
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Hugs,
Faith
livednlearned
Retired Staff
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Gender: Female
Person in your life: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 10956



« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2019, 10:04:47 AM »

She’s an adult and I feel like trying to be a good mom was all a waste.

What's going on?
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It's a gift to exist, and with existence comes suffering. -- Stephen Colbert
Normlee
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Gender: Female
Person in your life: Child
Posts: 71


Each day is a gift -


« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2019, 05:42:14 PM »

Hi TKeight, yes I have felt that way. I think you're very brave to say it.  We all want to see our kids thrive. When instead we see struggling, pain, rage, anxiety and fear that go on year after year it's disheartening, depressing and exhausting. I remember during labor with my now 38 yr old son , I said I can't do this anymore and I don't want to. Kinda the same now but right now for my son there isn't a moment that signals all done.  Also my son when he is in a bad place curses me for giving birth to him, that his lousy life is my fault. Do I have guilt? You bet I do. The thing is, I've always loved him and my mistakes were in ignorance or because of my own brokenness. I love him now though some times I don't like being around him. I have hope that learning the skills others have here that I'll have a better relationship with him. I'm looking for some middle ground between I love/need you and you've ruined my life. I'm glad you posted.
Thanks~ Normlee
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Normlee
Bluemoon23
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Person in your life: Child
Posts: 80



« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2019, 06:46:42 PM »

 Welcome new member (click to insert in post)

Glad you posted. Welcome.

Yes, yes I have. My son also likes to blame me, blame his dad for many things including having him and bringing him into the world.

It's hard. It's challenging. It contributes greatly to my feelings of shame and my feelings of being inadequate.

But....I have done the best I could. I have tried my best with what I had and what I knew/know.

I am now going to work very hard on supporting him from afar. And build a different relationship with him. If I can. I want to be supportive and not enabling. I want to live with peace. I want to live in kindness.

And that I can change for me.

I hope you feel less alone knowing others have similar thoughts and struggles.
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Janytao

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Person in your life: Child
Posts: 6


« Reply #6 on: September 12, 2019, 09:27:43 AM »

I completely understand
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Leelee124

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Person in your life: Child
Posts: 13


« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2019, 09:34:15 AM »

Good morning all!
It’s my first day on this site and already realize that I am not alone in the way that I feel. The worst part of having a child like this is that we tend to blame ourselves for everything. I have spent endless nights, trying to figure out what I did wrong. I forget to give myself credit for all I did right. According to my son, I was the worst mother. I guess if being loving, supportive, caring and nurturing is “the worst”. So be it... I was the worst.

So glad I found this group!  Hopefully we can all help one another!
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