There is a lot to unpack here an I encourage you to work with everyone - take the time. After some self work, and some careful courting (and some mistakes), I have a strong and dependable relationship. You had the 8 therapy sessions, you started the work... stay with it (keep working through this).
Was it you? Was it her? I mean your last communications with her shows that she could be impulsive, inappropriate, hurtful, and couldn't constructively handle you spying her social media/emailing her. But then again, you were spying on her social media. Many of us do that, but people find it violating. We find it violating. You both could have handled the situation better. Conversations both ways were not at all sincere or authentic.
Was it you? Was it her? She broke up monthly. Sounds from her comment (I was upset you didn't contact me after we broke up) that breaking up was a way for her to communicate with you. That is pretty dysfunctional... when that happens, things typically don't end well.
Maybe the question isn't about fault at all... it sis very possible that she sees it as mostly you and you see it as mostly her. The truth is in the middle somewhere - how reliable was she in assessing things? How constructively did she handle problems? Breaking up every month to be "heard" is not healthy stuff.
How does knowing that she is with another guy make you feel? Does that close this chapter in your life? Or are you still interested?
I accept that no one is perfect & the way I conducted myself throughout the relationship could sometimes have been better. In the beginning I was extremely needy & she seemed to like this. She would use this against me. I did things for her that I shouldn't have done such as look for jobs & if she didn't get one it was all my fault & never hers. Every time I refused to do something she would start stonewalling me, dropping kisses off texts, one word answers & then deny anything was wrong. She used to verbally abuse me however this did get slightly better. She would say things like "you know where the door is" if I ever told her I didn't appreciate her verbal abuse.
There are a lot of things that when on, more than I could list here but by the end of the relationship I felt like I couldn't do right for doing wrong. She would purposely fabricate things to see how I would react. For instance if she couldn't see me because she was poorly she would text me & say something along the lines of "sorry baby cant see you tonight I don't feel well". Because I am understanding I would react according to my nature & say something like "awwwwww honey I was looking forward to seeing you but you rest & we will do it some other time". This would just make her mad & she would say something like "see you're not even bothered". Then she would say she felt better & we would see each other.
I work full time & I had to be in constant contact with her. If I wasn't I would be accused of chatting to women. I never did but she showed me conversations she had with guys which she had started. He phone was always off when we would meet. I never accused her though. She would check my phone then be upset that she couldn't find anything. She was in & out of work & towards the end she couldn't find anything which made it even more difficult as she had more time on her hand to text me. Sometimes I physically couldn't use my phone due to the nature of my job. It would of been dangerous & I explained this to her nicely numerous times but every time I didn't answer within 5 minutes I would get loads of texts calling me ignorant or question marks.
She took pride in telling people about what she thought were their bad points & this included me. When we broke up once she really insulted me calling me repulsive & she felt sick sleeping with me. She once thought it was amusing that even though she had broken up with me that I still asked her to come on holiday with me. She said that next time I should aim lower as she was above me. All these things chipped away at my confidence. I always told her that I loved her & she was beautiful. I helped her with so many things which she did acknowledge in one of her emails. I was there 24/7. If I ever fell asleep without wishing her good night I would be greeted with a nasty text in the morning. She loved arguing at night when I had work the next day. I never ever said a cruel word to her. I only once called her something that was slightly nasty & she would bring this up time after time but it was ok for her to tell me to f**k off or call me a p**k or wan*er. Sometimes my cell provider network went down & my texts didnt go through. I had to screen shot the texts to prove that I had sent them & she would then accuse me of photo shopping them. I found myslef having
By the end of the relationship my self esteem was really low. I never knew when she was going to break up with me & because of this I wouldn't commit any further which made her worse. I did find myself wanting to end the relationship towards the end. It was just draining me. She always threatened me with just been friends. So if I did something she didn't like such as for instance burp, or maybe I was putting on a bit of weight, she would say do that again & we will just be friends. I ended up spending hours posting questions on various forums & this is where a lot of people suggested that she may have BPD or NPD. I did think NPD because she did have a sense of grandiosity. She had no friends because they all were jealous of her apparently. She was forever arguing with her Mom & Dad over silly things. She had a young Son who I met a couple of times & he would call people moron etc. It was all just a mess!
To answer your question about how do I feel about her dating. I have mixed feelings. I am happy for her & I am happy that it sort of closes it for me however, I still miss her because we did know each other a lot of years so I guess it is natural. We went on holiday each year so we have some fond memories. We were planing on having children etc until I realised it may not be the best idea. She has moved on but I cant at the moment. I am forever seeing red flags in women now & it puts me off. I still think that this new guy is just a rebound as I saw her insult him quite bad & he took it so he looks to be softer than I was.I just hope she is ok as she mentioned that when we first broke up she felt like ending it.
Sorry for the long post I just feel lost. I know I am slightly codependant which didn't help the situation but I just find myself unable to process things that went on.
