I don't want to go back to that toxic awfulness

[RomanticFool]

Just had an altercation with her. She was being a little insulting via email and I stopped replying. She then said "Anyway, been lovely talking to you. Reminds me why we haven't (talked). Got to dash, have a lovely rest of evening.' All sarcastic. I replied, "I didn't know whether you wanted to talk or just insult me.'

So that may be that. I think I just decided that I don't want to go back to that toxic awfulness. So that's progress I guess. If her answer to me telling her I miss her and I'm unhappy without the woman I love is to call me a 'nutter' (lunatic) on three occasions (inferring everything that happened between us is down to me) I don't think I'm really interested in going back there. The tone wasn't warm and friendly, it was combative and insulting. It strikes me as an odd way to behave when you haven't seen or spoken somebody for two weeks. No empathy at all.

[Skip]

Remember this?

I was invited out on Friday by a woman I recently met in the rooms of AA. She is around my age group, extremely attractive and seems to want a night of fun. She wants to have a fun night out at the movies watching Mama Mia. I have recently disentangled myself from my exuBPD lover. My wife is going away for two weeks on Wednesday to pursue her hobby with friends, some of them male. My wife and I have not slept together for 9 years. I have had a horrible 18 months detaching from the ex. I deserve a night out right? I know it’s a different situation to yours but my question is, do you think it would be wise to go out on what is on the face of it a fun night out?

I think the choice of the word "deserve" is most interesting.

So here was the advice you got (below)...

From where I sit affairs cause everyone so so so much pain. Everyone. There is very rarely a happy ending for anyone involved. Because you asked I will tell you, I don't recommend an affair to anyone.

Because you asked. My opinion: Open marriage as a mutual life choice OR remain faithful OR leave your marriage to pursue love elsewhere.

It's one year later.  Where are you in all of this?

Keep the wife hanging on... relegate to good security blanket Keep affair partner #1 on... stay in touch, maybe she will need a weekend out at some point Work on affair partner #2 ... see if there is anything to salvage - not looking good Scout for affair partner #3 in AA...

This is a serial cheater's profile, RF. They leave heartache and destruction in their path. You OK to be this? It really seems like you are already eyeing up for a third affair.

[formflier]

RomanticFool

I've been thinking a lot about your threads and your story.  Several times you have mentioned that your wife is still expressing interest. 

You've also mentioned that affair partners are (or have) pulled away.

I find it striking that the affair partners (that have a clearer view of your choices and actions) have pulled away.  Your wife, who is in the dark about many (perhaps most) of your choices still seems interested.

What does that tell you about how women perceive you?

Best,

FF