my life with someone i suspect has pd

[markyboy]

Hi ,thank you for taking the time to read this. So here is my story.I meet c 15 years ago when i was 40 and she was 27.She was everything a man could wish for at first and we had a truly great relationship,she pushed me to move in with her,she pushed me to get engaged i did feel at the time this was all a bit quick but finding someone who seemed to really love you was a dream come true.
She started to talk about what i can only assume was some kind of alter ego she had a different name c2 was more confident and adventurous but i didn't think too much of it at the time .c had suffered an unfortunate childhood,her mother had died and her brother suffered from server mental health problems ,while her mother was dying in bed her  father was bring women home. So i really understood all she had gone through in her teenage years and have always tried to support her.Our main problem was she never could talk about this or any of her feelings.
c told me early on in our relationship she had intimacy issues ,i suggested we went to see someone to help but no.I stayed with her because i loved her so much and hoped if i was kind and loving things might improve over time.
So we get engaged i had just finished building a house for us and i find on the computer loads of stuff about having affairs .I asked her and she basically left there and then.My world fell apart i constantly tried to talk to her.text her and even wrote letters trying to win her back she never responded to any attempt despite the hurt she knew she was causing me.One day after several months she came back it was my fault .She still wanted to get married but now wanted a child first missing her so much i went along with it ,i wanted a family to.
We get married abroad and soon x comes along.When trying for our child intimacy is no problem.The next three years of our relation ship she shows me very little interest until she wants a second child ,which we have.
From the moment she conceives we never make love again.Eight years latter i'm typing this and wondering where it all went wrong .I stayed with her for all those years never been show any love or affection, i stayed because i love her and our two children.
Over the past 8 years i had been a stay at home dad looking after the children while she developed her career .I slowly renovated our house and did odd jobs when i could.I never spent any money on myself always putting the family first.
c starts going to the gym,she starts bleaching her hair she gets a sporty car and spends thousand on her teeth,new cloths are coming to the house on a daily basis .I on the other hand have not seen a dentist in 7 years have one pair of shoes with a hole in them and one half decent pair of jeans and walk everywhere .I have now realised i have been in a controlling and abusive relationship for years in fact it has nearly killed me i have lost two stone in weight and have been put on beta blockers by the doctor.
So c has completely changed her appearance exactly the same as she did when leaving me before .c comes home on the eve of my birthday and tells me she wants a divorce with out discussion, talking or telling me she was unhappy or anything.
She then tells me i'm a lazy bastard for looking after the children and screams and shouts at me even threatening suicide until i leave.Worried about her and our children i leave.
c employs an pair and my children soon tell me she is calling their mother c2 the name of the long forgotten alter.Mail arrives  addressed to c2 .Then a new boy friend arrives and yep he calls her c2.
Since i left i have asked and then pleaded for her to talk to me i need to find some closure to all this but once again every text every email and every letter has been ignored .c seems to get some sort of pleasure out of my pain .
During our relationship she never told me how she felt she never had any friends and she would never tak about any of our problems.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[Stillhopeful4]

Hi Markyboy,

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  A lot of here know what it's like.  Read the tools section and maybe you can find some tips that will help you process everything that's going on.

((Hugs)

SH4