She was slipping into doing less and less for him.
Gadget,
Again, you and I have solidarity here.
My Son has suffered abuse, both from his own biological mother (neglect), before I divorced her, and as well his step mother (physical and mental abuse).
I do not know the specifics of your Son's condition, but I am interested to know, perhaps you could PM me,
I think about this all the time, and I see special needs kids, and adults all the time out in the public, and only people like you and me most times even notice them.
There are people whom are receptive, and "tolerant"… and there are those who aren't.
I learned years ago, to be ever watchful for these types of personalities, the ones who aren't... because they are out there.
You know what I am talking about.
My Son goes to a day vocational program everyday, I drop him off on the way to work, and he has a mentor for a few hours every afternoon, and she brings him home when I return home from work.
I know many of the other families, whom have older special needs children, and older special needs adults whom also go to this program everyday too.
And this is one town, one state, one Nation… in the world, think about that.
This is a life long responsibility,
life long!, we both know this.
I see all different situations at my Sons program, which is a blessing this program!, because I don't know what I would do without the "Station Club"
How would I be able to work?
As I am once again a single Dad.
I see all ages, from twenty something, to almost seventy something !
These souls have long "aged out" of the public school systems...
Downs, Autism, Delayed, Mentally R, and all across the spectrum.
Most if not all cannot ever live by themselves… some live in "homes"… and are wards of the state, some live with family, some are lucky enough to still have "a" parent to live with, its all across the board.
These souls are basically invisible to the public, I said invisible : (
And as I stated, most of the older ones, spanning age 30 - 60 and beyond are wards of the state, live in homes, and live off of government provided subsistence, like about $600.00 a month, that's it… which is handled by "sponsors", court appointed guardians (ad litem)… wow.
There is a lot of abuse, and exploitation.
This is why this is a red hot subject for me.
I am very passionate about this...
I don't know any other way to say it, these kids, these precious innocent child like souls have little to no ability to take care of themselves, or else "deal" with people whom would not "care" to properly take care of them, they are helpless, and extremely vulnerable.
I see them in wheel chairs, feeding tubes, in diapers, physically handicapped as well as mentally… totally dependent… Jesus I'm crying now : (
I better shut up before I say something that will get me into trouble here.
But I will add this… I understand, the plight of the disordered partner / parent, whatever it is, borderline, schizophrenia, cluster A-C…
However, while we are trying to offer validation, and support to our spouse / partner… trying to fight the good fight, and keep things together (empathy)… that to me… is second seat to the handicapped child, young adult, or even special needs senior… because the bpd has "capacity", knowing basic right from wrong… and even as they are disordered in their 'homeostasis'… this can
NOT ever over shadow the special needs kid, no.
To me, the kid comes first, and even more so in a step parent situation… the biological - marital - familial (dual parent) "symbiotic" relationship is hard enough, we read posts here every single day… so much pain, heartache, and loss… but that kid needs to be taken care of 24/7… in the case of a special needs kid, even more so, and it will never end, until you or the child goes to glory.
There is a man in my Sons program, we will call him "Danny"… Danny is almost eighty, lives with a state appointed guardian, rides the "CCATS" van everyday, he can ride his bike, because I see him up town on weekends on his bike… draws pictures of fishing boats, has lost almost all his teeth, has no living parents, or siblings, family is ____, he is about a six year (6) old in his mind… and he is freaking almost eighty!… and is as healthy as a horse, and just as strong I tell you… he lives off of about 6-7 hundred a month… wow, that's one example.
I will leave it at that gadget, you know what you need to do, we both do… you know what your life long responsibilities are, just as I do.
This is so hard…
And this is why, I can never let my own wife move back in with me and my Son, in my heart I know this... because she is abusive to my Son, and what I want or desire, takes second seat to my Son… period.
Sure, I can be supportive to her, be empathetic, and be kind to her… but I will never let her abuse my Son ever again… for the sake of keeping a bit of temporary peace with her… its a slippery slope, a fine line, hard choices to have to make…
I am not trying to say that your wife is not taking care of your Son, helping you… but consider this, and I've lived it… what mother, moves out, leaves… takes off, to "live a different life"… I am sorry, but borderline or not, that is not right, sorry, no excuses… that boy of yours, and mine… they did not deserve this… my first wife walked away, after twenty one years of marriage… and left the kids to me… S32 autistic included… what kind of mother does this… what demons in their heads override the mother instinct… someone please tell me… a mental illness… whatever… so when she leaves, and is gone, never to live in the martial home ever again… then who puts the kid to bed at night, and says his prayers with him, kisses him on his forehead goodnight, and promises to the kid, himself, and God… your going to be ok Son, Dad is right here… damn it, more tears : (
Borderline or not, the security, and sustainment of the kids home
must be maintained, period… you walk away?, what is that?… what would have happened if I was the one who walked away… selfishly putting myself first, because I told myself... "I can't do this anymore"… a little late in my humble opinion… and then her visiting her Son, becomes a matter of her convenience, when she wants to… well bull $hit… I am referring to my ex wife.
I apologize if this is out of line, this is my heart talking.
Take care Brother, Red5
