Bpd traits and distress tolerance

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi all,

I feel like I'm having a very bpd moment and would appreciate some feedback

I am aware that I feel distress and I am trying to not self harm but I feel bad.

[Zabava]

Hi all,

I feel like I'm having a very bpd moment and would appreciate some feedback

I am aware that I feel distress and I am trying to not self harm but I feel bad.

[Harri]

Hi Zab.

Did anything happen to bring this on today?

Do you have the means to self harm?  If so, how would you do it?  

I'm here.

[Zabava]

Harri,

I have made a terrible mistake and accepted a 2nd part time job to help support the the family, but it means I can't be home for my 12 year old in the evening and she is upset. I know this is life for most people, but for me it triggers fears of abandonment.

I am feeling so bad about myself.  I won't self harm but I feel desperate. I want to q

[Turkish]

Z,

It sounds like you're caught here between a few different things.

1. Your need to support your family.

2. D12's need to have you present more.

3. Your need to balance both of these things, with the shadow of your inner guilt confusing the two. 

Does this sound accurate?

[Turkish]

My kids are 7 and 9. D7 is often like "a little adult." Her teacher describes her this way.

My ex has gone into tens of thousands of dollars in debt to take the, on vacations we never had as kids ourselves. She's making up for her own lost childhood, neglected.

I see it as our kids have it FAR better than we did.  Also,  they need to deal with the realities of a family where there is compromise. I can't go on my daughter's field trip next month. I just can't. She will have to deal with that and i will validate and talk to her.

[Kwamina]

Hi Zabava,

I am sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time today. It isn't easy dealing with such intense negative thoughts and emotions. Good to see you posting about it though so we can walk with you

I have made a terrible mistake and accepted a 2nd part time job to help support the the family, but it means I can't be home for my 12 year old in the evening and she is upset. I know this is life for most people, but for me it triggers fears of abandonment.

I am feeling so bad about myself.  I won't self harm but I feel desperate. I want to q

This situation seems to have triggered you, or to be more precise, something inside of you related to your past experiences.

You made a choice which will change certain dynamics, but that does not necessarily mean that you've made a mistake. To talk and walk you through this trigger, it might help to consider these tips from the often quoted Pete Walker:

"My perfectionism arose as an attempt to gain safety and support in my dangerous family. Perfection is a self-persecutory myth. I do not have to be perfect to be safe or loved in the present. I am letting go of relationships that require perfection. I have a right to make mistakes. Mistakes do not make me a mistake. Every mistake or mishap is an opportunity to practice loving myself in the places I have never been loved."

"Feeling guilty does not mean I am guilty. I refuse to make my decisions and choices from guilt; sometimes I need to feel the guilt and do it anyway. In the inevitable instance when I inadvertently hurt someone, I will apologize, make amends, and let go of my guilt. I will not apologize over and over. I am no longer a victim. I will not accept unfair blame. Guilt is sometimes camouflaged fear. – 'I am afraid, but I am not guilty or in danger'."

The Board Parrot

[Zabava]

Thanks everyone for helping me through my panic. 

I talked with my husband this morning and he was genuinely supportive.  Ultimately, I need to make a decision about my 2nd job that is best for me and the family as a whole.

I hate having these freak outs.  I guess I'm still learning.

[Kwamina]

Thanks for the update Zabava! I'm glad you're feeling better today.

We are all still learning here, good thing is though that we can learn from each other and support each other.

The collective knowledge of the PSI community is amazing!

Take care

[Zabava]

Thanks Kwamina,

I am so grateful for this community.  I don't feel lke I am alone anymore and reaching out to others for support is a big step forward for me.

[Harri]

It's been a few days.  How are you doing Zab?