Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
September 16, 2019, 07:55:56 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed, Scarlet Phoenix
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, FaithHopeLove, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Only Human, Turkish
Ambassadors: Enabler, formflier, GaGrl, Longterm, Ozzie101, Swimmy55, zachira
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
How would a child understand?
Shame, a Powerful, Painful and Potentially Dangerous Emotion
Was Part of Your Childhood Deprived by Emotional Incest?
Have Your Parents Put You at Risk for Psychopathology
Resentment: Maybe She Was Doing the...
91
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: >Bpd traits and distress tolerance  (Read 114 times)
Zabava
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Person in your life: Parent
Posts: 235


« on: September 09, 2019, 10:30:08 PM »

Hi all,

I feel like I'm having a very bpd moment and would appreciate some feedback

I am aware that I feel distress and I am trying to not self harm but I feel bad.
« Last Edit: September 09, 2019, 10:49:35 PM by Harri, Reason: moved from skill and tools workshops board to PSI » Logged
Harri
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Person in your life: Parent
Posts: 4754



« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2019, 10:50:55 PM »

Hi Zab.

Did anything happen to bring this on today?

Do you have the means to self harm?  If so, how would you do it?  

I'm here.
Logged

  
    “…we cannot be in the present moment and run our story lines at the same time!”
Zabava
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Person in your life: Parent
Posts: 235


« Reply #2 on: September 09, 2019, 11:02:52 PM »

Harri,

I have made a terrible mistake and accepted a 2nd part time job to help support the the family, but it means I can't be home for my 12 year old in the evening and she is upset. I know this is life for most people, but for me it triggers fears of abandonment.

I am feeling so bad about myself.  I won't self harm but I feel desperate. I want to q
Logged
Turkish
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Person in your life: Other
Posts: 10338


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2019, 11:07:23 PM »

Z,

It sounds like you're caught here between a few different things.

1. Your need to support your family.

2. D12's need to have you present more.

3. Your need to balance both of these things, with the shadow of your inner guilt confusing the two. 

Does this sound accurate?
Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Turkish
Senior Ambassador
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Person in your life: Other
Posts: 10338


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #4 on: September 10, 2019, 12:17:18 AM »

My kids are 7 and 9. D7 is often like "a little adult." Her teacher describes her this way.

My ex has gone into tens of thousands of dollars in debt to take the, on vacations we never had as kids ourselves. She's making up for her own lost childhood, neglected.

I see it as our kids have it FAR better than we did.  Also,  they need to deal with the realities of a family where there is compromise. I can't go on my daughter's field trip next month. I just can't. She will have to deal with that and i will validate and talk to her.
Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Kwamina
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Person in your life: Parent
Posts: 3406



« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2019, 12:32:28 AM »

Hi Zabava,

I am sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time today. It isn't easy dealing with such intense negative thoughts and emotions. Good to see you posting about it though so we can walk with you Virtual hug (click to insert in post)

I have made a terrible mistake and accepted a 2nd part time job to help support the the family, but it means I can't be home for my 12 year old in the evening and she is upset. I know this is life for most people, but for me it triggers fears of abandonment.

I am feeling so bad about myself.  I won't self harm but I feel desperate. I want to q

This situation seems to have triggered you, or to be more precise, something inside of you related to your past experiences.

You made a choice which will change certain dynamics, but that does not necessarily mean that you've made a mistake. To talk and walk you through this trigger, it might help to consider these tips from the often quoted Pete Walker:

"My perfectionism arose as an attempt to gain safety and support in my dangerous family. Perfection is a self-persecutory myth. I do not have to be perfect to be safe or loved in the present. I am letting go of relationships that require perfection. I have a right to make mistakes. Mistakes do not make me a mistake. Every mistake or mishap is an opportunity to practice loving myself in the places I have never been loved."

"Feeling guilty does not mean I am guilty. I refuse to make my decisions and choices from guilt; sometimes I need to feel the guilt and do it anyway. In the inevitable instance when I inadvertently hurt someone, I will apologize, make amends, and let go of my guilt. I will not apologize over and over. I am no longer a victim. I will not accept unfair blame. Guilt is sometimes camouflaged fear. – 'I am afraid, but I am not guilty or in danger'."


The Board Parrot
Logged

Oh, give me liberty! For even were paradise my prison, still I should long to leap the crystal walls.
Zabava
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Person in your life: Parent
Posts: 235


« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2019, 09:03:18 AM »

Thanks everyone for helping me through my panic. 

I talked with my husband this morning and he was genuinely supportive.  Ultimately, I need to make a decision about my 2nd job that is best for me and the family as a whole.

I hate having these freak outs.  I guess I'm still learning.
Logged
Kwamina
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
Person in your life: Parent
Posts: 3406



« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2019, 09:59:51 AM »

Thanks for the update Zabava! I'm glad you're feeling better today.

We are all still learning here, good thing is though that we can learn from each other Smiling (click to insert in post) and support each other.

The collective knowledge of the PSI community is amazing!!! Way to go! (click to insert in post)

Take care Virtual hug (click to insert in post)
Logged

Oh, give me liberty! For even were paradise my prison, still I should long to leap the crystal walls.
Zabava
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Person in your life: Parent
Posts: 235


« Reply #8 on: September 11, 2019, 09:28:49 PM »

Thanks Kwamina,

I am so grateful for this community.  I don't feel lke I am alone anymore and reaching out to others for support is a big step forward for me.
Logged
Harri
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
Person in your life: Parent
Posts: 4754



« Reply #9 on: September 14, 2019, 09:48:08 PM »

It's been a few days.  How are you doing Zab?
Logged

  
    “…we cannot be in the present moment and run our story lines at the same time!”
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2019?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2020 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
AskingWhy
Bittlecat
Harri
Only Human
PeacefulMom
Radcliff
Skip
Teno
Ventak
wendydarling
Wicker Man
worn_out





Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2019, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!