Getting back together after I broke up with my girlfriend

Hey everyone! I've never been on this site before, but I thought it might be a good idea considering my situation. This might be a longer post, but I'll provide a tl;dr

I started dating my (ex)girlfriend six months ago. From the start of the relationship, both of us were very upfront about our mental health issues- it was actually something we could relate to and empathize about. I have Bipolar II and ADHD, and she has (you guessed it) BPD.

A couple months in, things started happening. She would start getting upset about stuff, and since I love her so much, I wanted to try and fix things. I rushed to try and do everything I could. She has a terrible fear of bugs, and at one point she stayed at my house for two weeks just to stay away from them. Any time I said something that expressed my uncomfortability with the situation, she would just tell me that she was just going to drive back to her parents house, which is two hours away. She would also say that she was just going to quit her job and drop out of school so she could stay with her parents again to avoid bugs. The unspoken thing here is that I wouldn't see her anymore. During this time period, I entered a depressive episode, and she would insist that it was her fault, and I would insist that it wasn't her fault. The truth is, that while I don't think she personally triggered that episode, I think that the situation I was in at that moment did.

It took me a while to realize that I wasn't really being offered a choice in the matter- or that the choice between something I'm uncomfortable with and never seeing her again is not really a choice at all.

Eventually more things started happening. Nothing was ever really directed towards me, but I was always expected to be there to help with whatever she needed.

I've been going to therapy, and I've come to realize that I've been in emotionally abusive relationships my whole life- I feel like I'm almost drawn to them or something. I was afraid to speak my mind in my last relationship because I thought my boyfriend would get mad at me, I feel like I'm in a similar situation now. The difference here is that I know my girlfriend has BPD, I know that she would never want to hurt me, and we really love each other a lot.

I tried to read up and learn as much as I could about BPD and how to handle it in relationships. I bought and read Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, but things would keep getting worse, and I just wasn't doing a very good job handling it.

I broke up with my girlfriend two weeks ago. I was feeling lost, confused, scared, and exhausted, and I thought I couldn't be near her anymore.

When I was breaking up with her, she told me that she was going to get therapy- not just for me, but for all the people in her life that she's hurt. She told me that she ignored the problems BPD was causing her because it just hurt too much for her to recognize that she has it and that it hurts the people around her. She has never lied to me, and I truly do believe that she isn't just getting therapy to try and get me to stay.

Since then I've had a super rough time. I wasn't really sure about breaking up with her, part of why I did it was because I wanted to stand my ground and stick with the decision I made. I was just exhausted, and I had decided that I couldn't do it anymore.

After taking some time away, I realized that what I think I wanted this whole time was to be able to talk with her about it and express my feelings. I wanted to know that she was committed to addressing it and acknowledging that it's something that we have to work on. I am willing to do all the work I can to try and make this work, but I don't think I'm willing to do it alone if that makes sense? I contacted her again and asked if we could have a conversation about getting back together, and this is where my main thing comes in.

I want to assert myself more, I want to be able to talk about our mental illnesses and the effects that the have on each other, and I would like for her to continue in therapy. I don't want to run back into a relationship just because I love and miss her, which I really really do- I want to make sure that this is something that we can work out, so I need to know that those things I mentioned can happen.

How should I word this? How can I be specific about what I want? I feel really confused about a lot of stuff, and it's really easy for me to doubt myself, so I want to have a plan.

If any of this doesn't make sense please let me know. I just sorta took an Adderall and went to town on this post lmao

tl;dr: Broke up with my gf two weeks ago bc I was exhausted of feeling like I needed to run to her every time things went wrong (I'm a people pleaser, I need to work on it.) I want to try and get back together, but how should I go about talking with her about it?

Thank you!



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