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Author Topic: Place in Grieving Process  (Read 57 times)
BrokenSpokane

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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
What is your relationship status with them: Divorced
Posts: 37


non-BPD was with BPD and healing


« on: October 09, 2019, 01:04:24 PM »

For my second exercise, I'm going to share where I am in the grieving process.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.0

I feel I'm past the denial and anger stages.  It seems like I'm bouncing back and forth between the bargaining and depression stages right now.  Over the last week or so I've been crying a lot, especially during therapy.  I've also had conversations out loud to myself as if I were talking to my exBPD.  Trying to reconcile the past and try and change it.  If only I would have done or said this the last day I left...or, I try and have conversations with her trying to plot a course for us to get back together.

I know in my heart we can't get back together.  For my kids, my sanity and my ultimate happiness, this can never work.  I romanticize the past, for the 3 years before we moved in together, we were extremely happy.  Well, I do now see some red flags, but at the time, we got along great.  The sex was amazing, we didn't fight, we did things together and she made me feel like the most important person in her world (I did the same, hopefully she felt the same way). I remember the calm, patient, caring, loving, respectful person she was and that's the person I miss.  But, as my therapist points out, that's only part of who she is.

So, I think about how we were before we moved in together and her BPD really showed up.  I keep thinking how we can go back to where we were, she goes to therapy, I continue to do therapy and we do couples counseling.  Which, by the way was the original plan a couple of weeks before our breakup.  I have conversations with myself as if I'm talking to her about these plans and try and see if it can work.

Then, I bounce to the depression stage.  I fear I'll be alone for the rest of my life.  It's my friends and family that have kept me from being suicidal again, but honestly it's very hard.  I do miss her (the old her) and I don't want to be alone again.  I know that's not reality, for I will eventually find someone that completes me and be in a healthy relationship, but right now it's hard.  I fear I'm going to die alone and so I feel that way.  Hence the depression. I don't like being alone, I'm a people person and have a lot to offer.  But, it isn't easy to remind myself that.  I feel alone, lonely and desperate.

I'm anxious to move on to the acceptance stage of grief, but for right now I need to walk through the depression and bargaining.
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Lucky Jim
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 5755


« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2019, 02:41:22 PM »

Excerpt
Trying to reconcile the past and try and change it.  If only I would have done or said this the last day I left.

Hey Broken, It's doubtful that anything you did or didn't do on the "last day" or any other occasion would have changed the outcome, because most BPD relationships are not built to last.  Just the way it is with BPD.  It's impossible to have Dr. Jekyll without Mr. Hyde, because they are one in the same.  Same could be said for someone suffering from BPD.

LJ
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