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Author Topic: My closest friend has BPD  (Read 336 times)
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Friend
Posts: 1


« on: October 24, 2019, 07:16:56 PM »

I feel like a horrible person. Posting this feels like a betrayal. I didn’t know where else to go though, and I need help.

Basically the person I know with BPD is one of my closest friends. We also work together. When things are good, they’re great. He is one of the most caring, compassionate, and generous people that I know. Until he splits on me. If I do the tiniest thing “wrong” then I become the worst person in the world, I get sworn at, verbally abused, he starts slamming things around me, and he’s even forced himself into my apartment without my consent, refusing to leave (twice now). Last night, it was because I posted a picture on social media when he wasn’t in the same room. My actions made him feel like he wasn’t involved in my life, like he wasn’t important, like I was behaving suspiciously. That then developed into a tantrum. With almost every fight, he threatens suicide or self harm. And the thought of him dying is enough to emotionally manipulate me to do whatever he wants.

Interestingly, the rage fits usually only happen at night time. I’m a medical research scientist, so I wonder if it could be linked to diurnal rhythms in hormones or some other factor. Does anyone else have this experience?


Anyway. Things have gotten so volatile, that I’m getting damaged in the process. Badly. I’ve been made to feel so low for so long. I feel like I can’t freely do anything. I can’t predict what will trigger an outburst and so, I live in fear. It’s constant. There’s a fight every day. For the first time in my life, I have contemplated suicide as well, because I am just so low, so trapped, and so tired. I really feel like I can’t do this anymore. I even wrote a goodbye letter to my family. I can’t ask them for help because I don’t want them to judge or hate him, so within I detail the turmoil within myself so they have nobody but me to blame.

I have a few close friends. Some are worried about me and notice the change. They all just tell me to cut him off. On a side note, I’ve been prevented by him from making any new friends since meeting him, since he always finds some problem with them. He tolerates my old friends, though.

I’m so instrumental to this mans life that I can’t just walk away. I was the one who realised he had BPD, and got him to a psych, who confirmed my suspicion. He has virtually no other friends. At work, I’m his only friend. My colleagues invite me to everything. I rarely ever go, because he is never invited. This makes me feel even more isolated, but for him it must be soul destroying. All he wants to do is be liked and feel loved, but he behaves in a way that makes it virtually impossible. They don’t understand him and what he has, so they just avoid him for the most part. They think he’s just moody and difficult. I want him to be invited.. I want to go to social things with him and have fun. But I can’t.

His family are also completely over it. He doesn’t have them to support him. I have reached out to them multiple times but to no avail.  I need him to start mending those relationships because at the moment, it’s just me, and I feel like I’m drowning under the weight of it all. Even so, I know it’s worse for him. I feel so bad for him. If this is what it’s doing to me, I can’t imagine what it’s like to live with those thoughts.

A few other observations. This man has had speech difficulties from a young age. He didn’t communicate properly until he was much older. This impacted his socialisation with his siblings and at school, leaving him always feeling like an outsider. I believe this could be one of the earliest environmental triggers for BPD development. There’s one paper that shows a link between speech disorders and BPD. I think this needs to be investigated since at its core, BPD is an issue of communication and emotional regulation. The outburst are always because they don’t feel “heard.”

I guess that’s all I have to say for now. I’m hoping someone sees this. I’m so stressed and so sad and I don’t know what else I can do.


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