Part 2: Just found out I be allowed to see my Grandchild over Christmas

[Blueskyday]

This thread was split from this discussion: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=340761.0

Ohh wow,
I accidently just read some wotsapps between me and my dtr . I was looking for my paypal password.

I wrote to her saying I am coming off my Opioids. There followed messages of me saying what was happening..The tummy issues etc. Not too much just asking her to tell the child why I can't pick her up..

I had said to her initially..In case I become mental you should know I need to cold turkey the opioids. Messages to and fro explaining the process and why I needed to do this.

I didn't ask for any help or support. I gave her a heads up.

I had totally forgotten. It seems to me that she has totally used this situation to create this rift.

The whole premise of her initial argument is that she had no idea what was wrong with me.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[twocrazycats]

Bluesky, you have been showing an incredible amount of strength with your daughter in the past few weeks since you got the all-clear on your health (and maybe getting the opioids out of the system has played a part). I am in awe. And how wonderful about helping at the homeless shelter.
2CC

[FaithHopeLove]

I am also in awe of you Blue sky. When we first met I could tell you had enormous strengths and you are proving that to be true.
You are doing an amazing job reclaiming your opioid free life and with changing the way you interact with your daughter.

[Blueskyday]

Ohh lovely ladies...
I simply would not have made it through without you.

The joy of the "all clear" has hit.
It took a whole week..
So deep was the depression I could't feel joy that I wasn't' dying..Wt*?

I am fasting on a saline solition ( oral)
Weight is dropping super fast.
The trash in my fat cells simply has to leave .
If I am starving I will eat 3 eggs a day .
I am carnivore and burning Ketones.
I feel so alive and I have 0 pain.
I have only 14lbs to be super lean but I won't stop there. I am cleaning out my body and my mind follows.

I am like a different person at work.
I am not sluggish and falling out of the car onto the sofa.

I am more alone than I have ever been but feel so connected to everything around me..It's so weird.

I liked the Co dependent group. They were all sweet and kind. It was not weird at all.

I can't go this weekend as my Grandbaby arranged to come to me instead of a sitter. My daughter asked if she should bring her...Heck yes she can bring her. I am happy to take her home bit this woman will meet me half way.

So looking forward to the weekend. Now if I could only clean the house

[Swimmy55]

 
Lovely!  Keep on keeping on!

[Blueskyday]

Well the 30th birthday is over..
The child and the dog were delivered Saturday.

I was pleased to see that the child did not immediately go into bash Mother mode..I am walking a tightrope with this.

We had such fun..My fasting has given me a new lease of life. We scootered and I cooked non stop. My cheat day was ridiculous and I gained 4lb haha..I did an 18 hr salt water fast overnight and also during work today to make up for it.

As the time went and organically the child told me things which bothered her.
She was sent to a parent on Tuesday , picked up at midnight. Ohh dear! She is refusing to sleep in that woman's house. I don't blame her! The woman is a total stranger.

Although she hasn't said I think the child has worked out where all this is heading.

kept off of Wed morning school to "see" her Mother on her birthday. Sent to school at 11 and again sent to someone else after school. Mum picked her up a "bit drunk" then almost immediately sent her to bed. She was brushing her teeth and heard her Mum wailing downstairs. She said her friend had decided not to come over. OMG! She is 30. Poor child said she also cried but cried herself to sleep worrying about her Mum.


When it came to 9pm Sunday here babe broke down and said she didn't want to leave me. She begged to stay.
We are all so happy together, even the pooch was relaxed and smiley.

I explained to the child such pain at separation just shows how much we love each other. Its a part of love and is why we feel such joy when we meet again. Its Ying and Yang. Babe said her friend at school is called Ying. I asked if she had a twin called Yang which turned the tears to laughter.

We sang funny Scottish songs in the car on the way home. Pooch recoiled when my dtr stuck her hand in the car to get her..I saw her register it. I made her come up and get them.

 Child eventually understood I needed to take her in the end. At 8 she understands so much.

Christmas is arranged. I am learning to allow things to just be. We are having Christmas day on 26th Dec. Santa won't come to my house this year so I promised to buy her some presents .
I have booked a show.

My dtr is not well. The anger has subsided and is replaced with a sad acceptance. I get it, finally. I don't dislike her . I just know her. I am finally really understanding her illness

[Resiliant]

Hi Bluesky,  that's a great story.  Your grandaughter will always have fond memories of wonderful times with her grandmother.  At least you can be a constant in her life.

I like the last line of what you wrote. "My dtr is not well. The anger has subsided and is replaced with a sad acceptance. I get it, finally. I don't dislike her . I just know her. I am finally really understanding her illness"

I feel that is so important for all of you.

xoxo

(sorry I have no idea how to do what everyone else does and make it show like a quote)

[Blueskyday]

Awwe resiliant, thanks. 

I can see how it all starts the bit in the middle and the result. I know I must be mindful and selectively "not notice" certain messages from my Granbaby lest we become enmeshed. I am glad to say this is pure love with no trace of enmeshment.

I am watching you tube videos by a woman who was diagnosed with bpd and recovered in the 1990's. A J Mahari? She is very insightful.

I was hurt and I was down at my lowest ebb and I was alone. I discovered I was enough. I am all the friend I "need". The rest is gravy. I like the gravy and I need more gravy in my life but I am enough.

We are enough..I have found such acceptance and friendship here it has humbled me. I am so greatful

[PeaceMom]

Thanks for the A.J. Mahari reference. She’s the first person who lived with BPD that I’ve listened to. It makes so much more sense when she explains what’s going on from her lived experience perspective. Lots of wise words for non-BPD carers. I wish I would have found her videos a year ago.

[FaithHopeLove]

. I am glad to say this is pure love with no trace of enmeshment.

I am so proud of you for getting to this point. You inspire me to do likewise.

[twocrazycats]

Bluesky, I've been wanting to mention how wonderful I think it is how you are there for your granddaughter, yet avoiding enmeshment.

My parents were both dysfunctional. I've now come to realize that most likely, my mother had bpd (total waif), though that's a topic for another post and another group. But the one constant in my life was my grandmother. Her love for me was obvious. Her household had structure. Her home was safe. I felt loved and safe there. I realize now that it is probably because of that that I have become a successful adult and parent. It is because of that that I love my children in a healthy way. I remember some of the things she said to me that made me know I was loved, and I've made a point of saying them to my daughter.

My grandmother was a role model for me. You are doing the same thing. Please don't ever forget how important it is. Many years from now, your granddaughter might remember some of the words and phrases you say to her. She might remember how she felt loved hearing them. And she might repeat them to her own children. As I repeat my grandmother's words. What you are doing is wonderful.

2CC

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Blueskyday]

Aww twocats. I am so glad you had a Gramdma who loved you. My Mother's Mother hated me. My Father's  ( he died when I was 2) Mother loved me. I can still remember the handful of times I saw her. I remember walking to the train clutching marshmallows to give her at about 5. She offered me coffee and a cheese sandwich upon arrival .
I can't remember interacting with my Mother's Mother at all. Certainly no warmth and she lived up the road.

Yes the babes house is unstructured and uncomfortable. Here everything we need is at arms length . I make her tidy up for movie night and we snuggle relaxing knowing its all done.

Shes just been snaping me desperate to ensure we have Sunday together bless her. She misses me so much. Last night she messaged me after school and her Mother was asleep. Poor kid.

Turns out her phone dies as her Mother took the charger I gave her so the communication is naturally limited.

Sunday will be a good day.
I will go to the codependent group and then collect her.

I am still waiting for a response from the homeless shelter..Dont know what happened there. I contacted 2 on 14th Nov..Will try again Monday if I dont hear

[Blueskyday]

Ohh I had a problem at work.
I could actually have been disciplined for this if taken further..ayye ayye ayye.

My dtr and I work for the same public sector organisation.

This young man came up to me Monday and said I met someone on Saturday night. I knew it was going to be bad.

My daughter apparently met this young man I work with on Saturday at 3am in a nightclub. I had said to her years ago this boy was a bit odd.

She realised he worked with me as he had an unusual name. He asked her name and told her his name.

 Immediately she said to him " Ohh you work with my Mother. She said you are gay. Are you gay?"

I explained to him that she has no filter when drinking and clearly got her wires crossed. I reassured him that I did not say anything of the sort. He said it was fine.

She really is a loose cannon.
I will not react. I am incredibly limited in the contact I have with her.

She could have gotten me fired to be honest if he decided to formally complain. I need to stay far far away from her.