you have been able to strike this relationship with a previously romantic BPD partner. Was it difficult to do?
Not really, it was the right time for both of us.
I was recently out of a relationship and was remembering "the good old times", pretty much a year after she cut contact with me. She had to move away from friends from a problem with another ex, back to family and the stresses of her youth and she was also remembering the good times, she said she'd been thinking about me.
She has a relationship (long distance now that she moved, didnt start out like that) so I guess she was feeling lonely and needed a friend, though I suspect she was also testing the waters to see if I bit the bait (we had conversations like back in the day, but I wouldn't try the romance angle)
Anyway, it just took a long time and a (un)fortune set of circumstances for us to reestablish contact.
One thing was that I didn't ask about the split, I avoided it completely until she told me " it's really nice that you haven't asked, wanna hear about it?", told her I figured she'd say something when she was ready, and she did.
Is it ever awkward when you talk/do things rekindle... and if so, how do you deal with them?
It's not awkward for me because I'm in control. I know we don't work as a couple, even if everything else (conversation, sex) was good.
When she tried to bait me I played the oblivious friend. I knew what she was doing, and I sort of allowed it but wouldn't plunge into it. She brings up my liking her, scenes from our romantic past, ask me what I liked about her, she tries to make me jealous about the new guy. Basically she's looking for a heavy dose of validation from me, and I'm happy to play along.
Its all good fun for me now, because I can see right through her. When those moments fade, we get to have real people talk, and she is a great conversationalist.
I accepted thats who she is, before I even answered a message. I spent a year reading through the board figuring stuff out. Everyone told me when I got here, all the articles talked about it but I didn't understand it, that takes time.
I accepted she has issues, that we don't work as a couple, and most important for me, that I love her and forever will.
That one seems counterintuitive, but that gives me the peace I need to do this. I don't struggle with my feelings for her. I love her, I'm attracted to her, and yet I am 100% sure I don't want a relationship with her, but it also makes me happy (and apparently her too) that we get to spend time with each other again, so friends it is.
I don't want the drama, the struggling, the void she leaves when she does her thing. So I just don't take the bait
though apparently I like to live my life dangerously, because I love the thrill of swimming so close around it
