Before it’s officially over, is it normal for a BPD to have others lined up?

[Thedubman123]

Just got out of a relationship with a woman that had borderline personality disorder 3 weeks ago. When a BPD sees a breakup coming, is it normal behavior for them to start lining up other potential partners while your technically still together? She literally had a guy within hours of us breaking up, not even a full day. It’s been 3 weeks no contact, should I just leave it and leave her for good? I hope I’m posting in the right spot. Thanks!

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[enlighten me]

Unfortunately its quite common.

For us the break up could have been out of the blue but for them they may have seen the end coming a while back.

They fear being alone so if they dont think it will work with us they will find the next person where hopefully things will be different. The problem isn't us its them. They fear intimacy so when we get too close emotionally theyre uncomfortable. The more we mean to them the more they will run as they would rather leave on their terms before theyre too emotionally involved so they can lesson the pain of it ending. This is why a lot date losers after us. Theyre safe as they dont think there will be an emotional connection so when it inevitably ends it wont hurt.

Its a sad existence for them as the thing they want most scares them more than anything. Theres nothing we can do as its something they have to deal with themselves and its normally a lifetimes worth of feeling this way they have to try and turn around.

EM

[Thedubman123]

It’s almost like they are looking for something that they will never find, it’s sad. Thank God it was only a 4 month relationship but it felt like 4 years. I never had a woman pursue me so hard in the beginning and I fell for it. I remember though when she was idolizing me I thought it didn’t seem right. It was like she was trying to hard. She was basically a puppet and at that time would do anything and everything I asked ( I’m a decent guy, with morals and values so I didn’t take advantage of it). After our first disagreement because she would not let me see my friends, everything changed. She basically quit at the first sign of danger and that’s when the 2 months of hell began. She was brutally honest with me in the beginning (the first 2 months) and the last two months she would lie about Everything! I could not distinguish between what was true and what was not. Going on dates behind my back. Literally everytime I went out with friends she would go on a date. I’d catch her every time to. I became cool with her neighbor so he would always let me know when a car was there that he didn’t recognize.

[SinisterComplex]

So I am going to chime in here and say that BPD could be at play. Granted my stance on BPD is beginning to change as a whole because for all intents and purposes I am not so sure its a disorder of its own anymore, but rather just a manifestation of PTSD.

In truth, I would say fear of intimacy is definitely the biggest culprit here, but additionally I think it is just becoming the more "in" thing to be an overlapper. Essentially you could make the argument that what is really at play is fear of intimacy combined with being co-dependent.

I'll be honest in saying that personally I cannot stomach overlappers. Those who line up other relationships before one ends are nothing more than gutless cowards who have not matured and grown up yet. Once you learn the true colors be happy it ended because you will move on and find someone more suitable for you while they will continue their pattern...you are just another pit stop during their Daytona 500 run around the track so don't take it personally.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[Steps31]

Kinda sounds like narcissistic supply to me.
And she'll make it look like she's having the time of her life, until he gets blacklisted.
Don't be surprised if she reaches out to you again in the future, but only until you're devalued again.
I'm not trying to be pessimistic, it's just the pattern I keep seeing and hearing about over and over.