I don’t understand how people with bpd can just cut you off like it’s nothing

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

How are they able to do this and act like you never existed? I mean I know why by doing research on bpd but it’s so hurtful and frustrating. It seems like some of their emotions go against human nature. I miss her so terribly and it hurts that she basically forgot I existed like I meant nothing to her. And why do people with bpd seem not to care about closure. What their closure? The rebound they picked up while you were still together? Do they completely cut you off because they don’t want you telling potential future partners of what they are about? I’m so hurt, I feel like if I called her two years from now she would not even know who I am anymore, like for real.

[Thedubman123]

How are they able to do this and act like you never existed? I mean I know why by doing research on bpd but it’s so hurtful and frustrating. It seems like some of their emotions go against human nature. I miss her so terribly and it hurts that she basically forgot I existed like I meant nothing to her. And why do people with bpd seem not to care about closure. What their closure? The rebound they picked up while you were still together? Do they completely cut you off because they don’t want you telling potential future partners of what they are about? I’m so hurt, I feel like if I called her two years from now she would not even know who I am anymore, like for real.

[Turkish]

What emotions to you seem to go against human nature?

[Thedubman123]

Being able to break up with you so suddenly and cut you off like you never existed. There is no compassion, remorse, or closure with them. It like they are able to turn you off like a light switch. I would think your normal person would feel bad about breaking up with you but you don’t see that at all with someone with bpd.

[Turkish]

Have you read the 10 beliefs that can get you stuck? 

https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality

Give a read and tell us what you think. 

I'm over 6 years out, with kids. I kind of still struggle with this.

A pwBPD feels core shame that they are unworthy of love.  That's a hard thing to deal with. 

[SinisterComplex]

Dub, I understand your pain. It is valid. However, I wouldn't even waste my time on wondering about how they feel or think. It is a fool's errand. Trust me...don't bother. Just live and learn. I am not dismissing here at all. I understand all too well what you are going through. However, at the same time you have to come to a point where you realize...I deserve better. I want better. I will expect better. I will do better!

It is all about changing your perspective. If someone does you bogus regardless if they are disordered or not you need to steel your heart toward them and move on. Become indifferent because in truth the pain, anguish, frustration, etc isn't worth it. I am pretty sure you know this. We all have to process and grieve in our own way and on our own timelines. Just be kind to yourself and don't try to understand what doesn't make sense.

Getting overlapped stings. However, also realize that the person who overlapped you is a coward and they will screw over the replacement too...be rest assured of it. The poor sucker has no idea the sh*t storm they are in for. The best thing you can do...disengage and don't give them an inch moving forward. You were disrespected...there is no coming back after that. Remember...respect trumps all! Keep your head up and look forward to kicking $$ this bright new year and dispose of the trash of the past. Create a new and improved YOU.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[Isanni]

My bpd daughter does this too - she cuts off a boyfriend cold turkey. She is totally obsessed over the boy while they date. She can barely manage herself if she cannot see him. Her mood depends on being able to be with him. However, if she senses it's going to end, she will increase her chatter with a boy she has in the waiting.

There is always another boy or two on the sidelines. She cannot tolerate not having a boyfriend. Being solo is the worst state.

For her, it's not the boy -his personality - but his attention and her ability to manipulate him that matters - it's like a drug, a tool. So she cuts off the relationship easily if she senses it will end anyway or isn't getting her needs met (needs that are outrageous and at the expense of the boy's balanced life). And it's easy because there is another boy waiting. Her ability to attach instantly allows her to forget the old boy.

So please don't think it's you. You could be the most perfect boyfriend but perhaps have a job you need to be at or other responsibilities that don't make you available 24/7.  However, you might benefit from figuring out why you were with her in the first place. Typically partners with bpd are very difficult and the relationship is not healthy. Why did you put yourself in this situation and stay for 2 years?

This is just what I see my daughter do. There are ladies with bpd who can have nice relationships. I'm sharing how she can easily cut off boyfriends.