Improvement noted

[Lola B]

I have managed to get back to breathing to 10 before I say anything and then saying nothing in response to my daughter's panic-driven explosions.

I learned this because someone did this with me when my brain-I Judy symptoms made me very volatile. I think about how he remained actively listening but didn’t respond to comments or questions that could be considered either bait or rhetorical.

She has always been hard and we have always had abuse and challenges. I’ve now begun to master keeping my mouth shut.

And the result: an apology!

She has apologized 3 times today and was stressed about late term bill payment (her fault), fraudulent charges on her card, and something else equally big for a 20-year old.

This is excellent!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[PeaceMom]

Lola,
That sounds like a form of mindfulness. Nice work!

[livednlearned]

Wow, what a gift to receive an apology 

So powerful that you use breath to stay grounded.

I'm curious if her panic increases when you're taking 10 seconds? And then winds down?

[Lola B]

Both reactions are possible, but if I stay silent and leave her the room and airspace to fill it with violent emotion she quickly becomes ashamed and distraught thT she gets so out of control. It is heartbreaking. But necessary to not fight back.