Bizarre Behavior / charm after breakup

[Las1604]

Hey all, haven't posted in a while here. Been a rough month.

About three weeks ago (we've been broken up for two months) my ex gf messaged me sending a bunch of BPD memes, and I knew she was in a bad place (drinking, drugs / possible OD leading to suicide). She's behaved like this before. We talked on the phone for 30 mins and she was beside herself crying and screaming about her past (child abuse, etc), and how she missed me so much and we talked about us too. As soon as I got off the phone I got her brother involved in case she was going to self harm. She passed out drunk and that was that.

Three days later she contacted me saying she was really sad, depressed. We texted briefly and I supported her, she disappeared, and when I went back on FB, she was very active talking about how happy she was and laughing with friends (this is all in the span of an hour). I proceeded to block her number after this as I'm clearly being used as some crutch as she dates other people. I did not block her on facebook.

Fast forward a week and she figures out I've blocked her, and she messages me over facebook and calls me through the messenger app. She was on a date for the weekend out of town, had no money (apparently her mother took all credit / bank cards because of spending it on booze). She needed 50 bucks for a cab ride home from a train station (I was reluctant at first, but didn't want her stranded - for all I know she was lying about needing the money). She said she couldn't call her mom or brother (I kinda believe that, they're sick of her crap). And we talked for a couple hours and apparently she got into some big fight with her date and that's why she didn't ask her date for money. I ordered her a cab, which she did take home that night - I was on the phone with her the whole time. Again we talked about how her feelings for me were complicated, and yada yada. She promised to pay me back that night. Didn't. Promised to pay me back the next day, didn't.

I gave her till 12 AM, sent her a really nice text saying that while I love her I can't put up with the fact she's trying to hurt me / make me jealous, and how she always leans on me for validation, emotional support, and now money. It wasn't about the 50 bucks, I told her to keep it, it was about the principle and what we had been through together, and how much I had supported her. Blocked her on everything. There's no way she can contact me. I heard through mutual friends now that she's very serious and dating this new person (the one who she visited). Updated status with the person on FB, etc - she was always super secretive with me... didn't really let anyone know outside her family we were dating.

Why in God's name did she contact me on facebook for a cab ride home? Was this all manufactured and an attempt to keep me around (either by contacting me, or withholding the 50 bucks so I have a reason to stay in touch with her?) Any feedback is appreciated.

[dt9000]

She contacted you because she knew you would respond and help her out. It seems like others have had enough of her and are no longer responding.

I had to learn how to set boundaries with my BPDex. I am co-dependent so not helping someone when they reach out is really, really hard. It takes work and leaning on a support network when needed.

Regarding threats of self harm: call 911 and let them intervene.

dt9000

[Las1604]

Thanks - with self harm there's been a couple times it was really serious, and other times where she just got really drunk. Kind of don't want to make a mountain of a molehill if I don't have to.

In any case, I'm full no contact now, so I won't have to worry about it.

[SinisterComplex]

DT is spot on here. I will just add that at this point you are nothing more than a pawn or emotional punching bag for her to use. Essentially you are like a chess piece. Does that sound heartless? Of course it does, but also understand that a person with this disorder functions this way. For your own sanity keep that in mind. What sucks is that the monster is the disorder, not the person. Regardless...happy to see you are taking the right steps. NC is the best thing for you. In no shape or form should you be doing anything for her or be considerate of her at this point. Focus on you and YOU alone.

Cheers and all the best to you!

-SC-

[Las1604]

Thanks SC! And yeah - she's my 3rd gf that's been diagnosed BPD / cluster B. I said in another post I felt I knew I could adequately deal with her while she waited for therapy (yes I was dumb enough to think that... naive and arrogant on my part haha). We broke up end of November, and I was determined to at least be there in some capacity as I did pity her... but yeah it was all one sided, and she would only really text me to hurt me or make me jealous, or when she needed validation, a crutch, or money now . Brought up how I saw her every couple days when she was in a psych ward when her family wouldn't.

I sent a nice text and said goodbye - told her to take care of herself, and I had to take care of myself and my sanity.

And yeah, I'm not angry, I specifically told her I don't hate her; I don't dislike her (she accused me of both on our last phone call). Told her I'd always love her but I'm out. I view it more as a tragedy. I pity her but don't wanna be part of it. A picture that always comes to my mind is a petulant 5 year old clumsily swatting and poking and kicking at a loving parent in perpetuity, until the parent sadly gives up trying to help and walks away.

EDIT: I work in pharmaceuticals, and my history with these women as well as just an interest in personality disorders; I'm more well read than alot of people, and I was by far more well read than her family... I had to inform them certain things she did were because of the disorder. The family was old school and just thought she was messed up / a rotten person. Which is not the case.

DT is spot on here. I will just add that at this point you are nothing more than a pawn or emotional punching bag for her to use. Essentially you are like a chess piece. Does that sound heartless? Of course it does, but also understand that a person with this disorder functions this way. For your own sanity keep that in mind. What sucks is that the monster is the disorder, not the person. Regardless...happy to see you are taking the right steps. NC is the best thing for you. In no shape or form should you be doing anything for her or be considerate of her at this point. Focus on you and YOU alone.

Cheers and all the best to you!

-SC-

[SinisterComplex]

Thanks SC! And yeah - she's my 3rd gf that's been diagnosed BPD / cluster B. I said in another post I felt I knew I could adequately deal with her while she waited for therapy (yes I was dumb enough to think that... naive and arrogant on my part haha). We broke up end of November, and I was determined to at least be there in some capacity as I did pity her... but yeah it was all one sided, and she would only really text me to hurt me or make me jealous, or when she needed validation, a crutch, or money now . Brought up how I saw her every couple days when she was in a psych ward when her family wouldn't.

I sent a nice text and said goodbye - told her to take care of herself, and I had to take care of myself and my sanity.

And yeah, I'm not angry, I specifically told her I don't hate her; I don't dislike her (she accused me of both on our last phone call). Told her I'd always love her but I'm out. I view it more as a tragedy. I pity her but don't wanna be part of it. A picture that always comes to my mind is a petulant 5 year old swatting and poking and kicking at a loving parent in perpetuity, until the parent sadly gives up trying to help and walks away.

EDIT: I work in pharmaceuticals, and my history with these women as well as just an interest in personality disorders; I'm more well read than alot of people, and I was by far more well read than her family... I had to inform them certain things she did were because of the disorder. The family was old school and just thought she was messed up / a rotten person. Which is not the case.

So I look at your history and I see the true ideal of Karma. You have experienced Karmic relationships. Evidently there is a lesson or lessons you must learn to truly open up your gates to better relationships, success, happiness, etc. Something is holding you back. What that is you have to figure out.

I commend you on your view here though...the disorder is the monster, not the person. However, on the flip side some people do indeed just suck. Not everyone can be saved and not everyone can be helped. Additionally, I think your head and your views are on the right path. Keep on keeping on.

Cheers and all the best to you moving forward!

-SC-

[Las1604]

Codependency and super strict mom. Can do alot of damage . I'm glad I still think I'm a decent? person; but I do have to work on asserting myself more and establishing boundaries. There's a reason why I attract these girls and they attract me .

Thanks for the insights; I've been reading your stuff the last couple days. You have some great advice!

So I look at your history and I see the true ideal of Karma. You have experienced Karmic relationships. Evidently there is a lesson or lessons you must learn to truly open up your gates to better relationships, success, happiness, etc. Something is holding you back. What that is you have to figure out.

I commend you on your view here though...the disorder is the monster, not the person. However, on the flip side some people do indeed just suck. Not everyone can be saved and not everyone can be helped. Additionally, I think your head and your views are on the right path. Keep on keeping on.

Cheers and all the best to you moving forward!

-SC-

[SinisterComplex]

Thank you for the sentiment. Truly here to help. Codependency is a super hard thing for many to break. A lot of my material to help deal with that is based on teaching yourself to come from a place of power...think abundance. What do I mean by that you might ask? You can approach any situation with outcome independence...that means indifference. Do not hedge your bets on one specific outcome. If you do hedge your bets on one specific outcome you are creating desperation in your mind and creating a scarcity mindset which ultimately means you are allowing yourself to think and come from a place of weakness.

In relationships you must always approach with the idea I am option ONE or I am option NONE. Period! You are high value and you command respect. Beyond that...just focus more on internal validation and forging a stronger relationship with yourself.

As I always say...Want Better, Expect Better, Do Better!

I think you will be fine moving forward for sure.

Cheers and best wishes to you!

-SC-