Smear campaign in full force

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi. I am 3 months into a breakup. It's been hell. I was in therapy, battling depression, no appetite, loss of self, the works... I have since been dating, throwing myself into work, exercising and slowly feeling some joy in life again. In the most recent dramatic turn of events (as this is the gift that keeps on giving) my ex decided to all the sudden block me from all social media (instagram, facebook, twitter, the dating app we met on, she also unfollowed all our collaborative playlists on Spotify). I'm hurting yes from the pain of this sudden rejection -- the last we spoke I sent her a closure letter thanking her for the relationship, outlining the good times, and saying I understood I triggered a fear in her and wished I could be there for her and she wrote a nice (yet cold) response back. I accepted it as a sign I would never get an acknowledgement and took the positives and moved on. I should also mention she promised me the day she suddenly broke up with me (after telling me I was her greatest love, she wanted to get married and introducing me to her parents) that she would never erase me. Since last night she has deleted all our photos, all evidence of our life together. Her friends are blocking me one after another. I can only imagine what she's telling them. We work in the same industry -- I am fearful she is going to ruin my job, key my car, stalk me. This is a nightmare. I am back to not being able to sleep. It's like she's bullying me, tormenting me. Putting things together the only thing I can think that spurned this entire thing is I matched with one of her old friends she cut out earlier in the year on a dating app and she must have found we had a drink. The girl is also being targeted and blocked. I don't know what to do to smooth this thing over or if it's a lost cause. How can she just take action and assume things without talking to me or having an adult conversation? I hate that I am even effected. She broke my heart and is still using whatever tool to manipulate me and it's like YOU LEFT ME! It feels cruel and unfair. Why does she get to continuously twist the knife? All I did was love her and want to be with her and she ruined me and is still doing it. Why does she even care? - again, she left. Move on! It feels like as a result I've regressed back to month 1 of this entire process. I feel lost and in a dark place of no solutions. Any advice?

[leftword]

Hi. I am 3 months into a breakup. It's been hell. I was in therapy, battling depression, no appetite, loss of self, the works... I have since been dating, throwing myself into work, exercising and slowly feeling some joy in life again. In the most recent dramatic turn of events (as this is the gift that keeps on giving) my ex decided to all the sudden block me from all social media (instagram, facebook, twitter, the dating app we met on, she also unfollowed all our collaborative playlists on Spotify). I'm hurting yes from the pain of this sudden rejection -- the last we spoke I sent her a closure letter thanking her for the relationship, outlining the good times, and saying I understood I triggered a fear in her and wished I could be there for her and she wrote a nice (yet cold) response back. I accepted it as a sign I would never get an acknowledgement and took the positives and moved on. I should also mention she promised me the day she suddenly broke up with me (after telling me I was her greatest love, she wanted to get married and introducing me to her parents) that she would never erase me. Since last night she has deleted all our photos, all evidence of our life together. Her friends are blocking me one after another. I can only imagine what she's telling them. We work in the same industry -- I am fearful she is going to ruin my job, key my car, stalk me. This is a nightmare. I am back to not being able to sleep. It's like she's bullying me, tormenting me. Putting things together the only thing I can think that spurned this entire thing is I matched with one of her old friends she cut out earlier in the year on a dating app and she must have found we had a drink. The girl is also being targeted and blocked. I don't know what to do to smooth this thing over or if it's a lost cause. How can she just take action and assume things without talking to me or having an adult conversation? I hate that I am even effected. She broke my heart and is still using whatever tool to manipulate me and it's like YOU LEFT ME! It feels cruel and unfair. Why does she get to continuously twist the knife? All I did was love her and want to be with her and she ruined me and is still doing it. Why does she even care? - again, she left. Move on! It feels like as a result I've regressed back to month 1 of this entire process. I feel lost and in a dark place of no solutions. Any advice?

[Turkish]

leftword,

The sudden switch or turning is disconcerting to say the least, especially being so idealized, in most of our cases not long prior to a sudden and cruel discard.  It feels as if everything prior was maybe a lie, yes?

Have you seen this, from the lessons at the top of the board?

10 Beliefs Than Can Keep You Stuck

Or the top level article:  https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality#10

While my ex was living a double life from our home, I read her journals, which she conspicuously kept out, not hidden. She lionized both her beau and me at the same time while telling me to my face that I failed. Her beau excited and validated her (due to her lack of self worth). We had 2 kids, 1 and 3 at the time. 

Words and promises, in retrospect, couldn't be believed, and that was quite a shock, as I'm sure it is to you. Kind-of apologies came years later, and even those were self-centered because she was hurting and needed validation. 

I'm with you on being concerned about a smear campaign. Engaging might feed the drama, however.

[Lucky Jim]

the only thing I can think that spurred this entire thing is I matched with one of her old friends she cut out earlier in the year on a dating app and she must have found we had a drink.

Hey leftword, Sure, learning that you went for a drink w/her old friend could definitely trigger hostility towards you.  It seems likely that she found out about it.

Your best strategy, I suggest, is to rise above the drama.  As Turkish notes, engaging is likely to egg her on.  Don't pull on the tiger's tail!  It's hard, but in my view the best approach is to move on with your life.

LuckyJim