Actual validation from my dad

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I just want to start off by saying that my dad does not have BPD traits he has depressive, anxiety and he has traits on the narcissist spectrum although I would not say he is a pwBPD I think a lot his self centric behaviors are from unresolved issues from his FOO.

He was here a few weeks ago and left for a road trip to the States from Canada and a few days ago he sent me a post card in the mail. It actually ticked me off that I got a post card from him because we don’t have a r/s and it seemed like it doesn’t make sense to send a post card when you don’t care.

I left it on the counter and the kids had toothpaste on the card and I was reading it today while washing something in the sink and the last line in the post card said “Keep at it you seem to be doing fine” it blew me away a part of me gave up on him awhile ago with validation and accepted the fact that this man does not have it in him to give a compliment to me.

Something changed, I changed how I react to him, he’s also getting older he was acting weird around my birthday he took me out for supper before my birthday in January and he seemed to be worried that I was going to abandon him he said I love you’re my oldest and I thought that’s a strange thing for him to say.

How I chose to live my life today I do it for the future.  Think of it this way I take care of my kids I make sure that I’m there for them they have a mom with borderline traits and I could if just given her whatever she wants to make it easier for me but I don’t want the kids to resent me in the future because I love them and I don’t want to end up being alone when I’m old. What’s the point then if you’re kids don’t want to talk to you?

I sense that my dad knows that he has broken r/s’s and it’s catching up to him. Also think of it this way compliments from him or him seeing me white and not black is very rare.

[Mutt]

I just want to start off by saying that my dad does not have BPD traits he has depressive, anxiety and he has traits on the narcissist spectrum although I would not say he is a pwBPD I think a lot his self centric behaviors are from unresolved issues from his FOO.

He was here a few weeks ago and left for a road trip to the States from Canada and a few days ago he sent me a post card in the mail. It actually ticked me off that I got a post card from him because we don’t have a r/s and it seemed like it doesn’t make sense to send a post card when you don’t care.

I left it on the counter and the kids had toothpaste on the card and I was reading it today while washing something in the sink and the last line in the post card said “Keep at it you seem to be doing fine” it blew me away a part of me gave up on him awhile ago with validation and accepted the fact that this man does not have it in him to give a compliment to me.

Something changed, I changed how I react to him, he’s also getting older he was acting weird around my birthday he took me out for supper before my birthday in January and he seemed to be worried that I was going to abandon him he said I love you’re my oldest and I thought that’s a strange thing for him to say.

How I chose to live my life today I do it for the future.  Think of it this way I take care of my kids I make sure that I’m there for them they have a mom with borderline traits and I could if just given her whatever she wants to make it easier for me but I don’t want the kids to resent me in the future because I love them and I don’t want to end up being alone when I’m old. What’s the point then if you’re kids don’t want to talk to you?

I sense that my dad knows that he has broken r/s’s and it’s catching up to him. Also think of it this way compliments from him or him seeing me white and not black is very rare.

[Methuen]

I left it on the counter and the kids had toothpaste on the card and I was reading it today while washing something in the sink and the last line in the post card said “Keep at it you seem to be doing fine” it blew me away a part of me gave up on him awhile ago with validation and accepted the fact that this man does not have it in him to give a compliment to me.

Something changed, I changed how I react to him, he’s also getting older he was acting weird around my birthday he took me out for supper before my birthday in January and he seemed to be worried that I was going to abandon him he said I love you’re my oldest and I thought that’s a strange thing for him to say.

I sense that my dad knows that he has broken r/s’s and it’s catching up to him. Also think of it this way compliments from him or him seeing me white and not black is very rare.

I'm happy for you Mutt.  There's been enough black in life, that a moment of "white" might as well be enjoyed.  Enjoy the moment, but maybe don't expect too much beyond the moment in case the moment turns out to be finite.  Just enjoy this "moment" 

[GaGrl]

Yes...just relax into it, and enjoy the moment.

[Turkish]

He's reaching out. Give grace. He might mirror it back. Seek peace