Feeling lost and confused

So where do I begin. My exBPD and I were together 20 years ago and were together approx 1 year. He lives in the UK and I live in the US. Most of that time was long distance which was very difficult. We fell in love so I thought and made it work. He was undiagnosed at the time and he eventually broke up with me he said due to distance. We still remained in contact over the years. 4 years after we broke up he came to the states and we met up which was wonderful. It was like old times. When he came back a second time a few months later, he wanted to meet up again. This time he changed his mind as I was on my way to see him and said no do not come. Broke my heart again. I tried for years to move on from just the initial break up and it was so difficult. I ended up finally trying to move on. I got married and had two kids. We still managed to talk on and off over the years just as friends though. Fast forward to now, I am going through a divorce. My exBPD and I have been speaking for 8 months again after not speaking for about 2 years. I contacted him because well it never usually went that long without speaking and we were friends. There was some miscommunication when I contacted him this time and he hd thought I blocked him. He was just diagnosed around that time with BPD and I was the first person he discussed it with. I poured myself into educating myself on it. We have become very close again and I asked him why he did not want to see me that last time?and he told me because he was afraid that we would get back together? I was confused about that and just let it be. Since his BPD diagnosisI felt like I have been so supportive, gave him his space. He would thank me all the time for being there cause noone else was. I helped him get through some really tough days, and I was always there. It was almost like old times. We were planning on spending some time together in a few months which would be 15 years since we last saw each other. Last week i said how happy he made me and it has been a downfall since then. He said we need to rethink our situation and he does not see how a relationship would work because he lives in UK and I live in US plus I have two kids now and that he was sorry for hurting me. I was very hurt and said some very mean things I shouldn’t have. He cut me off completely for a few days and then started speaking to me again after I initiated it. Took days of apologizing and validation. I asked if it could be sexual again and he said He does not see it happening anytime soon. I then told him I would like to discuss the boundaries he mentioned and that he was right about alot of stuff we discussed because well he was. Now he has cut me off again within a day of coming back after I asked him about the boundaries and I am at a loss as to what to do, do I just let him be? I have always loved him more than anyone, even after all of these years. I want to support him because he really is a good person when you separate him from the BPD. He is starting therapy soon which I hope he will stay with. Even after researching what I should do, I still feel lost right now.



Diagnosis + Treatment The Big Picture Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ] Five Dimensions of Human Personality Think It's BPD but How Can I Know? DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders Treatment of BPD [ Video ] Getting a Loved One Into Therapy Top 50 Questions Members Ask Home page Forum List of discussion groups Making a first post Find last post Discussion group guidelines Tips Romantic relationship in or near breakup Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD Sibling or Parent with BPD Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD Partner or Spouse with BPD Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship Tools Wisemind Ending conflict (3 minute lesson) Listen with Empathy Don't Be Invalidating Setting boundaries On-line CBT Book reviews Member workshops About Mission and Purpose Website Policies Membership Eligibility Please Donate