My ex is still reaching out negatively.

[Jza]

Hi guys,

I appreciate any help.

I was dating a gorgeous woman and I thought she was my soul mate. It was for three months unfortunately. She also told me that she has BPD towards to end. I can't believe how fast I developed feelings for her. When everything was going great, she replaced me with her ex in a day. I was extremely shocked and I didn't even know how to respond to it. Then we decided to be friends but she was still caring and flirty with me. We met a few times after she got back with her ex. Then I got a text message from her that she has to cut our friendship since her current partner is insecure and feeling anxious when she talks to me. She told me that who know if we reconnect again in the future. My response was understanding and positive.

After 4-5 days later, she blocked me from whatsapp and instagram. I was already very upset and got upset more once I realized she blocked me. I have never done anything wrong to her. My only mistake was reaching out her and asking why she has blocked me after days. She didn't reply. That night, her current partner called me and we had a chat for 2 hours. She asked me about questions such as when we met, how we met, when we had sex with last time etc. I assured her that she didn't cheat on her. We met after they broke up. I also told her to search up about BPD etc.

I found that she asked her partner to call me. She has tried similar triangulations in the past. Then I sent her a closure email saying, I wish her the best. The next day, I got an email. " I asked my partner to call you again since I told you I don't want to contact you. I am sorry that you feel bad and I really hope you feel better soon. I have my own issues to deal with. I need you to respect my current relationship. Please don't even reply to this email." And I didn't reply to her email since she didn't want me to. I got 6 phone calls from her and her current partner that night which I didn't answer. I just don't understand. Who the ________ does that? Are you 5 year old and asking your parents to call me? My email was a nice closure email which she responded already. What is the point of calling me again?

4 days later, she called me again. I didn't answer. She sent me a text message saying " Hi mate, I am calling to tell you that I don't appreciate the bull_____ you told my partner the other night. You should know you are very lucky that she loves me and will always be at my side, otherwise I would escalate this! Also I want you to understand that I don't want you in my life at all including looking at my instagram profile and stories from other people's accounts. You are not dumb, neither I am so STOP!" I didn't respond to it. I know she is desperate for drama and wants a reaction. I didn't give it to her. The phone call was 6 days earlier and we exchanged emails. What was the point of the call and that text message? She wanted her partner to call me and I tried to be as civil as possible even though I was extremely upset. Now I am the bad guy. She doesn't want me in her life at all cause of what? I have never done anything wrong to her?

I don't want to ignore her but I don't know what to do with this nonsense. I still love her and care about her very much. I know that ignoring is a sort of manipulation. I really don't want it but if I reply it is gonna add up to the drama which she is desperate for. If I don't reply, is she gonna keep reaching me out? What to expect next? I would love to stay friends at least but she is so mad at me. I don't know why. Would it change in the future?

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[babyducks]

Hi Jza,

that's quite the story you shared.   wow.    like you said, lots of drama, lots of triangulation.

my suggestion would be to work on your own personal boundaries.     we talk about boundaries a lot here...   and one of the things we all seem to have in common is being just slightly people pleasers we tend to allow others to box us into situations that we are not comfortable with.

people with BPD or the traits of the disorder have chaotic, dramatic relationships.    it offers them an opportunity to express their harmfully intense emotions.     it's a way to project their 'stuff' onto others.     

the dynamic she has going with her current partner sounds pretty unhealthy... if it was me …. I would want no part of it.    as tough as it might be,... I would stay away from any conversations with either of them for now.   let things cool off.   

when I first came here I was told 'don't add any more drama into an already volatile situation'.     that was good advice.       if your Ex is attempting to pick a fight to off load her emotional upset...  you don't want to do anything that encourages that.

'ducks