i really feel like the best thing for me to do sometimes is to shut out any of those tender feelings of how she was with me when she was on her good side which was rare but what i held on to.
I think that you know what to do, this is definitely going in the right direction, if I can suggest something I’d suggest both.
What I mean is you don’t want to herb caught up in BOD style thinking thinking that someone is all bad or all good. Think about both when you’re thinking about her - write it down on the left column you have the good stuff and the right side the bad stuff and see how it balances out you’ll be able to make out what it is by writing down the bad things too about her when you’re missing her and you’re thinking about possibly getting back together.
ive taken the compassionate role and not wanting to hurt her have tried to be sweet during this ordeal and show i still care but i feel it could backfire.
I agree with you. You dint want to give into her every wish your ex isn’t going to respect that you mentioned that you want to meet others so they’re not going to respect you if you give into every demand. If you can’t stand up to her then how are you going to stick up for her?
i think i need to recognize that that sweet little girl underneath it all that i love deserves love and is great but that i need to recognize the potential for destruction and emotional devastation inflicted on me is very real and i need to recognize im playing with fire and my tender feelings must be put aside. hopefully in her heart she can understand and i think a part of her deep down does.
The only person that can fix her is herself and she has to want that - nobody else can do that for her. If she’s BPD then you have neural pathways that are like ( we all have neural pathways ) like a path that have behaviors that are repeated so often that it creates like a roadway to change that you’re going to have learn behaviors to create new neural paths ways. First you have to be aware enough to know that you’re mentally I’ll or that there’s something off then you’d have to want to change that and that can’t come externally from others.
If she’s used to treating you this way she doesn’t have the incentive to change, why she knows your limits and she knows that if she acts a certain way for x amount of time then you’ll eventually give her what she wants.
To your point about seeing others I’d do it for a learning experience - learning new skill sets. I’d suggest not going in with any intentions - don’t think long term. Just think of meeting new people and if things eventually mutually work out in a way where you’re both interested in something long term then give it some thought. There’s nothing in meeting new people - just don’t go in expecting a r/s and im not saying that you are! I’m not also saying be a player either but maybe it’s going to be a good experience for to learn how to handle different personalities.
