Our son prefers me to my husband and my husband takes it personally on a level that seems very low on the emotional intelligence spectrum.
it happens...my mother told me that my dad told her, when i was young, the very same thing.
fathers unfortunately do take this sort of thing personally. and that probably has something to do with the conflict between the two of you.
and unfortunately, this sort of dynamic, after a newborn, where one partner is feeling the emotional and physical load, one feels neglected, is not uncommon.
and its not easy to resolve. its incredibly stressful on everyone. some of it may even get better on its own, over time. but that wont help in the short term.
It’s incredibly unrealistic and we talk in circles when we try to discuss our needs.
the task before you, and unfortunately it may fall upon you to take the lead, is to break the circle, so to speak. to because circular arguments leave everyone feeling more unheard, more resentful, less trusting, and the problems only remain.
this is a really great resource and discussion on these types of circular arguments...it can be a good start:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=118892.0both of you, right now, are struggling to be heard, and as a highly sensitive person, hes feeling (not necessarily reasonably) like an outsider in his family. the real trick is, that the more he feels heard, the more input he has, the more "buy in" he has, so to speak, the more likely he is to hear your concerns, your needs.
no doubt, youve probably been doing some of that already, it sounds like. and make no mistake, this will take some finessing, some trial and error, and youre working with a difficult person. but things really can improve, and we can help in that.