Trying to defuse an argument, needing assistance.

[solunartempest]

My partner and I have been together for 3 years. Just recently, as in this week did I discover that there are other people living with and having the same experiences as me while loving a person with BPD. Its been amazingly eye opening but I don't have all the skills down because I am new. Small bit of back information: I recently downloaded, yesterday, the same Sudoku app my partner uses and he had recommended I try their "fast" puzzle that is only 1-6 because it is fun.

Tonight my partner has been having a hard time controlling his emotions so I have kept my distance to allow him the space he needs to feel while I take care of the kids. After they went to bed I finished up a Sudoku puzzle I was really proud of completing because it was the apps "giant" puzzle that uses both 1-9 and a-f. I run into our room to show him and first he is very proud. But when he asks if I have yet to try a fast puzzle I say no, and am about to say I will try it next because I really wanted to give the giant a shot, but do not get the opportunity to because he says. "Of course not, because I recommended it you obviously have to go and do the exact opposite."

I told him that that was not the reason I choose the giant puzzle, and that it had nothing to do with his recommendation. I also told him I was sorry that this hurt him, I had not realized he felt that strongly about me trying the fast puzzle.

He demanded the reason I didn't, saying that "the only possible truth is that I was avoiding what he recommended and that any other response makes me a liar and manipulative and is bull****."

Why do there need to be these two absolute reasons? How do I say that this had nothing to do with him? Hes calling me manipulative and a liar because the absolute truth to him is that I personally avoided trying a puzzle because he recommended it? I downloaded the app from his recommendation!

This happens all the time. What he says IS the truth and be believing anything else makes me a liar, manipulative, spewing bull**** and a bad person.

Help, I'm exhausted.

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[once removed]

hi solunartempest and

how frustrating. especially when youre trying to develop a mutual interest.

its hard to say. it could be as simple as you caught him in the wrong mood, the wrong time (possible given he was having a hard time earlier). it could be that he really likes that youre into the same thing, but this is his not great way of pushing you to be as into it as he is.

i think, in general, you dont argue with these things. sometimes you smile and nod and give them space.

This happens all the time.

how else does it happen?